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Clever Parents.com
Birds + Bees + Kids®
Amy Lang, MA
Over and over I’m told one kid in the family is very happy to talk about sex and sexuality, asks questions, hauls out It’s SO Amazing repeatedly, and is open and comfortable with this topic.
The other kid, however, has no interest, even going so far as to cover up ears, leave the room and seems to never, ever, ever crack a book on the topic.
What’s a well intended parent to do with this kid? It sure makes your job harder when your audience has plugged their ears and is singing “Mary Had a Little Lamb” at the top of their lungs!
Here are some ideas for talking to your reticent kiddo -
Continue the conversations with the chatty kid in front of the quiet kid. They will listen too.
Make books available to this child - put them in their room, the bathroom, anyplace they can access them privately. There isn’t a kid on the planet that won’t eventually crack a book about sex, or at the very least, puberty.
There’s nothing like a little pubic hair to get a kid interested in what’s happening to their body, so sometimes, time will do the trick.
Acknowledge their discomfort and explain why it’s important they have this information.
Figure out what you need to tell them and turn it into a two minute sound bite. Then, tell your kid you need two minutes of their time, have them time you and say what you need to say. Don’t talk for more than five minutes if they forget to keep track of the time.
Because nearly every kid has a question they can’t bear to say out loud, I created The Ask ANYTHING Journal. This is a journal your child can write any question they may have in and you write the answer back. This will open the door to conversations and give your shy child a chance to get their questions answered.
Finally, don’t forget it is your job to make sure your kid has this information, so remember your goal - To send your child out into the world with a strong sense of self, the tools to make good decisions, and a healthy relationship with sex and sexuality.
birdsandbeesandkids.com ©2009 Birds + Bees + Kids® LLC 206-661-2245
About the Author: Through her business, Birds + Bees + Kids, Amy Lang teaches parents how to talk to their children of any age about sex, love and relationships. She has a 16-year history as a Sexual Health Educator, a Masters in Applied Behavioral Science and loves to help people learn about this vital part of parenting.
By Kim Estes
Here they come… the holidays, the relatives and the insane schedules! Now is a great time to take a moment BEFORE things get too crazy, to talk to your family about some common sense safety tips. There will be lots of interaction with family and friends, new experiences and new places. Take time to practice “what if” scenarios with your kids. Taking time to talk safety with your kids will take some of the anxiety out of your holidays!
Safety while shopping:
Have a designated spot (a sales counter) to meet at if you get separated.
Have younger kids practice your name and cell phone number
Remind kids never to leave the store, no matter what!
Practice identifying “safe grown ups” while you are out (e.g. Safe Mom with kids)
Older kids should always take a friend when going to the mall
Kids need to check first with you before going anywhere or accepting gifts
Never leave children unattended in stores, arcades, or playgrounds
Safety at parties:
Let your child chose who they wish to show affection to. Do not force them to kiss or hug someone. Kids need to know they have power over their own bodies.
Check in on kids during large gatherings. Have each adult take 20 minute “shifts” to do a quick walk through the house/yard and check on the kids to make sure that they are doing OK
Kids should check first with a parent before going off with someone (eg. To play video games in a bedroom or leaving the house to go play)
If someone is making your child uncomfortable (excessive tickling, hugging, wrestling) intervene on your child’s behalf to end the behavior. Your child needs to know that you will protect them.
Questions? Concerns? Contact us! kim@pomwa.org We’re here to help! Follow us on Twitter for quick tips!
About the Author: Kim Estes is the co-founder of the non-profit organization: P.E.A.C.E of Mind (Parent Education And Child Empowerment) www.pomwa.org . Kim has worked with parents for over 12 years, educating them on various parenting topics. Kim and her cohort in crime prevention, Sabrina Sessa, help liberate parents from fearful parenting through non fearful techniques and easy to apply parenting strategies they help empower families to be safe.