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And maintaining self image for the next generation…
“When did I get so big?!!!”
I’ve heard women say that for years and I always laughed, “Like duh, where do you think?”
I get it now! I went up 30 pounds in four months and was not living on fast food burgers, consuming excessive amounts of food or living with extraordinary stress - the extra stress had taken up residence in my gut nine months prior to the body expansion project. Actually, the hardest part of the fat accumulation was that I’d recently lost 20 pounds and was feeling down right good and hopeful that I taken the necessary steps to true weight management when the extra pounds dumped on me seemingly overnight.
Now, it appears, I’m stuck at this size and my usual dietary efforts don’t even make a dent. So back to the drawing board. What has changed? My age. I have an eight year old daughter who is active and vibrant and I just turned 50. I don’t feel old just overstuffed. I’m fully aware that exercise is essential to my overall health but accepting the time investment needed before a significant shape change can be achieved is often my deal breaker. I dive into the body renovation processes with grand intensions only to resort to habitual behaviors when the going gets tough or lengthy. It’s like cleaning house, dusting is the most fun because you can see the instant improvement.
Exercise and I have a love/hate relationship. I love the results of physical exertion. Inevitably, after walking or working out, I feel energized and possess a feeling of overall wellbeing but I hate doing it. Meaning, once I’m out there walking, hiking, or running on a treadmill, I actually enjoy the workout. It’s building in a routine so that the activity becomes a habit and not a burden is the issue. I’m convinced that exercise plays a part in my body bulge or is at least a contributing factor. Perimenopause, hormone imbalances, and life changing stress are the other factors.
Along with all the personal battles with my own self image, I have my mother’s perspective to deal with real and imagined. My mother exercises to relieve life’s slings and arrows. I curl up on the couch and read or write stories. All my hobbies are sedentary. My mother, 0 body fat, is a competitive tennis player and works out at least once a day. I try to fit in 200 words on the computer. The question then is, do I belly up to a stack of Snicker’s bars or do I use the nagging voice in my head as a catalyst to seek a healthy routine and body image?
Making the realization that I’m beautiful as I am is the first step toward healthy living. Without self acceptance, I’ll be forever obsessing instead of being proactive. Not to negate the benefits of exercise - as I’ve said, it’s essential - but I’m still me regardless of the shell I’m inhabiting and to understand that unwaveringly while trying on clothes in a tiny (tiny to us big bottomed girls) dressing room boob to nose with my slight of build mother is, if not heartbreaking, character building! Life has a way of throwing wrenches in to help repair the damage. This happened to be one of those irreplaceable moments.
On this particular day two months ago, I needed a dress that fit physically and emotionally to wear for my father’s memorial service. Nothing I had that was appropriate fit my current body. In the end, the time shopping was a blessing for my mother and for me. It got her out of the house and doing something we’d always enjoyed together and we focused on something that simply had to be done. We spent many years together laughing about strange outfits in dressing rooms as I grew up and revisiting this pastime as grieving mother and daughter was extremely therapeutic for both of us. Nordstrom however must have thought we were loony because of our excessive laughter.
That first step into the dressing room with my mother sitting in front of me was heart stopping. But what could I say? I’d never in my life asked her to leave before and now, when she needed support the most, wasn’t the time. So I sucked it up, literally, and hoped I didn’t see the look in her eyes too clearly as I undress and expose all the lumps.
Ultimately we decided I needed a tight undergarment to squish me down and keep from bouncing around. My husband loves “the girls” new girth but in a little black dress, it’s nicer if the first thing people notice isn’t my monumental bra size! Then came the real fun. Imagine trying to put both feet into a deflated wad of elasticized stretchy (well they say stretchy) material meant to reduce your width two sizes. Basically it’s designed to hold you in and keep you from sitting, walking, or breathing properly until you’re released from its hold at the end of the event. I likened the scene putting it on to something like watching an elephant delicately step into a bikini six sizes too small. Needless to say, it was an experience and tears were running down my face by the time I finished, not from mortification, but from the sheer ridiculousness of what we do to ourselves to fit others expectations.
Mom and I both found dresses - the same one as it turned out- hers a size 6 and mine a size 16. I told her not to worry, no one would ever know in a million years that the dress she had on was the exact same one on my body. The beauty of the situation was simply how we conveyed the confidence of strong women at such a heart wrenching time in our lives. I didn’t feel like the “big one” but like a loved daughter honoring her father.
Supporting Information:
I’m currently walking as often as I can - although not daily, more than three times a week and for as long as fits my schedule. This way it’s a treat and not an added burden. I’m parking farther away when I go shopping, taking the stairs, and all those little things that add up in the end…like the French women do!
Diets don’t work for me. If I’m dying to have something, I eat it…I’ve found, common sense, that depriving myself really doesn’t work at all and leads to binging on that food item I miss so much. Sticking to fresh fruits, lots of veggies, and minimizing the usual culprits, refined sugar and simple carbohydrates, actually feels better too. What do you know!?
Trader Joe’s has great frozen steel cut oatmeal. Just open the package, pop it in the microwave and, voila, a healthy and quick breakfast. I don’t add anything to mine and usually half of one serving is all I can eat.
I know why I eat. I eat to fill a void, to ease tension, to celebrate a great moment, to smother my poor self image…etc. Now my job is to start working on my novel or going for that much needed walk instead of opening the box of cookies. Most of the time it works.
Trader Joe’s also has large bottles of green tea for just a dollar or two and often if I poor a glass of tea when the urge to eat for eating sake strikes, add lemon and guzzle, I feel satisfied. If that’s not enough a handful of almonds does the trick.
I’m not breaking any weight loss speed records, but I’m feeling confident, more healthy, and I’ll check my progress in a few weeks and reassess if my casual procedure is paying off or not.
Melissa is the mother of a six year old little girl, Madeline, and the wife of a former ship captain. She and her family just moved to Maine a year ago from Monterey, CA to experience a change in lifestyle and become middle aged entrepreneurs. After 22 years of teaching, Mel (Melissa) needed more time with her family and so she and a friend started Dancestones.org; the business of giving comfort through Maine’s rolled stones. Reading and Writing are her deepest passions- when she’s not collecting stones in remote areas of Maine!
I can’t believe we are already moving into Fall - wow! This summer has been extremely busy. Between traveling to the summer long course swim meets, sending Brandon off to camp, my daughter giving birth to my first grandchild, I can say this summer has been very full.
We sent Brandon to a swim camp this summer and what an amazing experience he had. He spent a week in New Mexico training with Olympic Gold Medalist swimmer, Tom Jager. They did a high altitude training, which included a full on camping experience. Half of the week was spent camping, where they actually had the kids sleeping in tents, cooking over campfires and just experiencing the greater outdoors. Regardless of where the kids slept, for seven full days, they swam 2 hours in the morning, and 2 hours in the afternoon. Each day of camp they also did some kind of dry land cross-training. Tom spent a lot of time talking with the kids, telling them of his Olympic journey, both his trials and triumphs. He talked about the dedication it takes, the hard work and perseverance. He was very inspiring and motivating and Brandon really enjoyed the whole experience. As for the workouts, they were intense and as Brandon put it “the hardest workouts I’ve ever experienced.” And he loved every minute of it.
With only 20 kids at the camp and four coaches, all of the kids were able to get some great training time. The camp really had a family feel to it, which for me was invaluable. This was Brandon’s first real time away from home and I must admit we were both missing each other very much. It was a good growth experience for both of us in that way, and while Brandon got some very valuable extra one-on-one attention and technique training, what stands out most to him was what he learned mentally. He came home with was greater sense of his own personal power and abilities. And what he learned he is able to translate that into all areas of his life, not just swimming. I believe camps in general can provide that for your kids. It doesn’t have to be a swim camp, but if your swimmer is at all committed to the sport, consider sending him to a swim camp next summer. Not only do they have a wonderful experiences, meet other kids from other places, I believe it is great to have kids work with other coaches, even for just a week or even a couple of days.
Fall is upon us, which means it is time to get back into the routine of school and life in general. It’s a little sad to me to say farewell to the summer weather, play time and general flexibility that comes with not being in school, but at the same time I’m excited to start a new year and swim season.
Good luck to all of you going back to school. If you swim on a year ‘round swim team, I wish you well as you embark on another season of fast swims and fun times.
Swim on!
SwimMama
Ruthie Palmatier
ruthie@swimmama.com
When you’re in a service business, like many of us, you’re at a bit of a disadvantage because what we offer isn’t really “tangible.” We’ve got no display area, no fitting rooms, no tasty morsels to sample; there’s nothing the prospective client can see, hear, touch, taste or smell to help them make a decision.
Most of us have a pretty good idea of how much, say, a hammer or a linen shirt or a cup of Guatemalan roast coffee is going to cost us. But when it comes to coaching, interior design, copywriting or something other than a concrete product, the Average Joe or Jane usually has little basis for comparison.
So how do you convey to a potential client what it is you do and why they should want it - not to mention help them understand what a fair price would be? Excellent question; I’m so glad you asked.
The key is to focus on value rather than price. Now you may say that’s splitting hairs, but there is a critical distinction between the two. And that distinction will help you comfortably engage in the all-important “So, what do you charge?” conversation.
If that’s a conversation that’s been leaving you a bit tongue-tied, here are three tips to make it easy as 1, 2, 3.
Tip 1 - Be certain you recognize the value before you ask your clients to
Many of us equate the value of our services with our own sense of self-worth. Sadly, this means that we are seriously undervaluing what we do (AND undercharging for it). We may feel greedy or selfish or undeserving if we want to increase our fees, or even in asking for our current fee.
When you fail to appreciate your own expertise, your clients will follow suit. Spend some time identifying all the results you give, all the benefits a client receives when they work with you. Realize that what you offer is truly a gift for the right people. A gift they will gladly pay for.
Tip 2 - Educate your prospective clients about the value of what you offer BEFORE you talk about price
When you talk about fees before introducing the results they can expect, your prospective client will be basing their buying decision on price. They don’t have enough information to do otherwise. It’s a little like asking someone to spend money for a “surprise gift.” They have no idea what fabulous thing may be inside, and most people won’t risk their money on an unknown.
One way to introduce the idea of value is to ask directly, “What results are you wanting to achieve?” And then use their answer to describe how what you offer fits with what they’re looking for. (Or not, in which case you can add value by referring them to someone who can provide what they want.)
Tip 3 - Add extra value whenever possible so it becomes easy for them to say “yes”
Always give them a bit more than they expect. This can be as simple as when a hotel puts a chocolate on the pillow (I just love that, don’t you?), or in your case, answering an email request with a personal phone call, or adding a bonus gift to your program or services.
For example, with my Passion for Profit Intensive workshop, I’m offering a Website Rx assessment to every person who registers (at no extra charge). It’s a comprehensive 19-point evaluation of what’s working, and what could be enhanced, to make your website as client-capturing as possible. It’s fairly simple for me to do and judging from the response I’ve gotten, it adds a lot of value by giving specific feedback and suggestions. So we’ve got a win-win situation that gives great results and increases the appeal of the teleseminar.
Setting and discussing fees is often a loaded subject for many of us. It’s natural to feel a bit awkward at first. But it doesn’t do you -or your potential client- any good to stay in that awkward place. Clearly identifying the value of what you offer will significantly increase your comfort level when it comes time to “talk turkey” with a potential client.
©2009 Helen Graves
Helen Graves, Grand Poohbah of Crackerjack Online Marketing Strategy, shows service-based small business owners how to create stronger connection so you sell more with your product and program promotional campaigns.
Visit www.OnlineLaunchSecrets.com to of her free online marketing resource, “Make More Sales: How to Create Connection and Desire So Clients Can’t Wait to Buy from You.”