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Clever Parents.com
Amy Lang, MA Birds + Bees + Kids® http://www.birdsandbeesandkids.com/
Think back for a moment. Remember when you were a young adolescent and had crushes, urges, surges and strong feelings of desire? What did you think when this was going on? Did you even know what was going on?
Understanding how their bodies work can go a long way to helping tweens and teens navigate their relationships. Even those relationships that are mostly in their heads. You probably recall how fun and titillating these crush relationships were.
They were also confusing.
And let’s not even get started on those early romances - yikes! So many emotions, thoughts, and physical feelings are experienced that it can be really overwhelming to navigate.
So what’s a parent to do, given all of this? One place to start is to explain to your kids, sooner, rather than later, that they will someday, most likely, experience a feeling in their body that is called “desire” or “sexual desire”.
It feels like a strong wave or urge and it can feel good! And overwhelming, and maybe even confusing. Let your kids know that this is normal and it’s happening because the hormones in their body are doing their work of getting them ready for adulthood and sex.
The next step is to provide them with some ideas of things they can do, other than actually have sex, to help them manage these feelings. You can suggest things like exercise, writing in a journal, or masturbating.
If they are in a relationship, make sure they understand that it’s harder to say no when they are hot and heavy in the moment. They’ll need to think about how they can slow things down or get out of the moment if they aren’t ready for sex just yet.
Talking about sexual desire is just one place to start. This can be a stepping off point to discussing pressure, respect, responsibility and dating rules.
birdsandbeesandkids.com ©2009 Birds + Bees + Kids® LLC 206-661-2245
About the Author: Through her business, Birds + Bees + Kids, Amy Lang teaches parents how to talk to their children of any age about sex, love and relationships. She has a 16-year history as a Sexual Health Educator, a Masters in Applied Behavioral Science and loves to help people learn about this vital part of parenting.
By Kim Estes, PEACE of Mind
This months tip is part 3 in our series on preparing your family for a safe summer.
It sneaks up on you… the day arrives and your child asks “Pleeease! I don’t want to go to the store with you… can I stay home instead?”. This can be an exciting (and scary) time for both parent and child (mostly scary for the parents!). This is a popular question in our workshops…. “is my child ready?” and “What is the age law on children staying home alone?”
Many parents think the “law” is age 12. So it comes as a surprise to find out that in most states there is no age “law” minimum for kids staying home alone, just recommendations.
Only you can determine if your child is ready (and the situation is safe) to stay home alone… we have complied a partial list* with some good questions to help get you started and help you gauge the maturity and readiness of having your child staying home alone for short periods of time:
- Does your child know how to dial 911?
- Does your child know your full name and address?
- Does your child know how to operate the phone correctly?
- Do they know what to say if someone asks if their parents are home?
- What are your rules regarding cooking or playing outside when you are gone?
- Can your child respond correctly to “What if” situations such as “What if the power went out? What if there was a fire.
- Have you reviewed your rules on answering the phone or the door if you are not home?
- What are your rules about having friends over?
- Is your child allowed to play outside while you are gone?
- Does your child show an interest or confidence in staying home alone?
- If your child will be watching a sibling, do they get along? Will a younger sibling respect the rules and authority of the older sib?
- Does your child know what to do if they become injured while home alone?
- Can your child lock and unlock the door to your home?
- Is your child physically capable and physically healthy enough to stay home alone?
If your child and you agree that they are ready to start staying home alone, begin with leaving for short time period of time (15-20 minutes). Make sure that your child has several emergency numbers written down and go over your rules and expectations’ while you are gone. If all goes well after the first time, you can gradually start increasing the amount of time you are gone. It is important to remember, kids are learning. They may make mistakes. Be patient and use slips ups as learning opportunities for both of you.
By Melissa Ackerman
I stood in the warm spring sun reaching out my arms like a lower case t, one hand pointing toward the Pacific and the other toward the Atlantic, closed my eyes and visualized both beaches in their infinite beauty and differences. I touched both ends of the U.S. in the last month and survived driving the distance back home to California. The drive, the move, feeling capable, all a result of taking on life head on. Just imagine the feeling I’d have had if I’d had been on foot! My life is forever changed and I have a renewed respect for Lewis and Clark.
Each decision we made changed the path our lives took from the smallest and seemingly insignificant to the life changing and all-embracing. In deciding to move from one coast in the U.S. to the other, we took on the all-embracing type of change. Although it didn’t turn out as planned, many aspects of that move created the new course now taken. Sometimes it is essential that we allow those paths to emerge rather than take out the bulldozer and forge our own highway.
Had we not quit our jobs in 2006 my husband would not currently be master of the Western Flyer at the Monterey Aquarium Research Institute. I would not have felt capable of being a writer and small business owner, although teaching, especially at the middle school level, has become a heartfelt passion. Instead, even in this uncertain time, I feel confident that whatever happens will bring a wealth of understanding and increased empathy. My vision for the future is boundless and no longer constrained by childhood expectations set by parental design. Acceptance of people overall is greater. Who knows what trials each person we meet has conquered or where their hearts beat?
Another realization I made on my walk that afternoon, was how like people more influential as part of my gene pool I’ve become. A great grandmother I remember visiting once as a very small girl lived in a high rise in downtown Los Angeles. This would have been about 1965. I distinctly remember looking out the window onto the ledge and down to the street below the old building which seemed quite far down making the level ten stories or more up. Pigeon level, at least, for there were flocks of the birds hanging out at her apartment window. Even better, she had a dove living free in the apartment nesting in the middle of her old puffy couch. A child’s fantasy come true and the ultimate in mortification for my mom and grandmother. The poor bird even had an unfertilized egg she was diligently tending. My great grandmother was Hungarian, from the “old country” and further aggravated my family by testing the sauce by slurping the spoon and then putting it back in the pot.
Although I don’t lick the spoon and put it back in the food, I realized how like this distant relative I’d become. No doves living in the house, but right above our front door is a nest of swallows. Swallows build their nests of mud and are the dirtiest, outside of pigeons, bird I know. On the other hand, their nest is on the porch, the porch becomes the WC no matter what species resides in that space. My mother would sooner die than have that nest stay in that location. Bird droppings everywhere and so dirty. But what an experience for my 7 ½ year old daughter to watch the eggs hatch and babies grow - the birds and their dirt stay! Suddenly while reaching my arms out to touch the thought of two oceans I saw my great grandmother in my personality. I barely knew her but there she was as part of that maddening ability I have to read a book in the midst of dust and laundry piles. I liken it to being able to embrace the path you choose and all the rabble that goes with it.
In these hard times, take a deep breath, go for a walk, breathe the moment in and contemplate life. Shut down the voices, the frantic calendar rehearsal, and see your true identity.
Melissa is the mother of a six year old little girl, Madeline, and the wife of a former ship captain. She and her family just moved to Maine a year ago from Monterey, CA to experience a change in lifestyle and become middle aged entrepreneurs. After 22 years of teaching, Mel (Melissa) needed more time with her family and so she and a friend started Dancestones.org; the business of giving comfort through Maine’s rolled stones. Reading and Writing are her deepest passions- when she’s not collecting stones in remote areas of Maine!
Running scared, are you? I know how it goes - positioning yourself as an expert can strike fear into the heart of even the most intrepid entrepreneur. After all, what gives you the right to claim that title? And what happens if you don’t come through on your promise of expertise?
For many serviced-based business owners like speakers, trainers, coaches and the like, it’s a tightrope of tension. We need to stand out from the pack in some significant way, and ballyhooing our skill in a particular area seems tailor-made for the task. On the other hand, there’s that fear of tooting our own horn (perhaps mistakenly) and being thought too big for our britches.
It’s an easy trap to fall into. I still catch myself sometimes assuming that most people already know at least as much as I do about my chosen field, only to be surprised over and over again that they don’t. I don’t know it all but I’m definitely an expert in many ways.
I’ve got news for you. You’re not doing your business or your clients any favors by being bashful about staking claim to your patch of expertise. When you’ve got that kind of single-minded focus, it solidifies your ability to talk about what you do clearly and compellingly (which, by the way, is very attractive to potential clients). Plus, when concentrated in one or two areas, your expertise grows on itself, expanding your skill and knowledge, and your confidence.
Would you like to bridge that gap between savvy marketing and false pride? Fabulous. I’m going to share 3 ideas for connecting those dots.
First, let’s deal with that pesky fear that keeps you from claiming your inner expert as part of the family.
The word expert comes from the Latin expertus, which means to try or experience. So as an expert, you not claiming to be The World Authority. You’re merely acknowledging that you’ve experimented with something and want to pass on your experience. Pretty generous of you, actually.
Next, we’ve got to have some frank words about HOW to be viewed as a legitimate expert. One thing’s for sure, you don’t do it by trying to be all things to all clients. You’ve got to pick a niche.
No, don’t let me hear you say, “But my services can help anyone!” That’s as may be. But holding on to “everyone” as your Core Audience is a huge obstacle to developing expert status. No one is an expert at everything.
Last, don’t keep your expertise a secret. Get the word out -and generate income at the same time- by creating information products like e-books, audio programs or podcasts ballyhooing all you know in your chosen specialty.
Information products are a terrific way to share your knowledge, boost your credibility and cement your status as an authority. After creating my first information product, I was amazed at how even colleagues and clients who’d known me for years suddenly took me more seriously.
Don’t let the description “jack of all trades, master of none” apply to you. Decide what your area of expertise is, and create a name for yourself.
The great thing about being considered an expert is that experts:
- Are highly sought after,
- Earn larger fees,
- Become very good at what they do.
What’s not to love about that?
©2009 Helen Graves
Helen Graves, Grand Poohbah of Crackerjack Online Marketing Strategy, shows service-based small business owners how to create stronger connection so you sell more with your product and program promotional campaigns.
Visit www.Product-Campaign.com to get a hold of her free online marketing resource, “Make More Sales: How to Create Connection and Desire So Clients Can’t Wait to Buy from You.”
I can’t tell you how excited I get when one of my friends tells me their child is starting on a swim team. I immediately want to tell them everything they need to know to get started, everything they need to know about going to a meet and I just get crazy excited to share with them what I know and love about the team. Understanding my SwimMama neurosis, one of my biggest joys is sharing the sport and lifestyle of swimming.
Swimming is a great sport. For the beginning swimmer, joining a swim team can really help to strengthen their swimming skills. One of the best parts of joining a swim team is the new friends you and your child will make. We have met the nicest people through joining swim team!
When you first join a team, there is so much information to learn. Probably one of the most important things you can do for your swimmer is to make sure they get the proper nutrition. Knowing kids need to eat the right amounts of carbs and proteins is good, but knowing when to eat is probably going to be the most helpful for their sustained energy as well as recovery after practice.
In general, follow these guidelines for incorporating carbohydrate, protein and fat (yes, even fat!) into your day:
- Spread carbohydrate intake out over the course of the day (i.e. smaller meals and frequent snacks). This keeps blood sugar levels adequate and stable.
- Eat some carbohydrate before morning practice. Note: This can be in the form of juice.
- Eat carbohydrate in the form of a carb-electrolyte drink, such as Gatorade or Powerade, during workout IF workout is 90 minutes or longer. Gels are also acceptable.
- Eat carbohydrate and protein within the first 30 minutes after practice. This enables the body to replenish glycogen stores and repair muscle tissue. This is perhaps the most important time to eat!!!!
- Eat again (something substantial, like a real meal) before two hours post-practice has elapsed. This is critical to maximizing recovery!!!!
- Incorporate fat into the day at times that are not close to workout. Fat is necessary, but contributes little to the workout or immediate post-workout recovery period.i
To me, the second most important information that new swimmers need to know is what to take and expect at their first swim meet. The coaches will give them the basics on the sport and teach proper starts, turns, finishes etc., but who is going to tell you, the parent, what to expect when you go to your first meet?
Make sure to ask some more experienced swim parents the following questions:
1. Where is the meet being held? Indoor or outdoor?
2. Do we need to provide our own chairs/sun shade?
3. What time are warm-ups? If we miss warm-ups, do we not get to participate in the relay?
4. Will there be concessions at the meet?
5. What are heat sheets and how much do they cost?
6. How early should my swimmer be at the blocks?
7. Is there a warm-up/cool-down lane? And if so, how soon before/after should my swimmer be swimming and how much? (ask your coach for specific answers on this one - coaches may vary on their approach)
Swim meets are great tools for kids to measure their progress. Some meets require specific qualifying times in order for kids to swim, so be sure to check with your coach to see if that is an issue. Some kids get very nervous at meets, while others treat them like a practice. What kids need to understand is that what they do at practice; they will do at a meet. If they are sloppy on their turns and finishes at practice, they may do the same at a meet. Make sure your swimmers goes and talks with his/her coach after each race. The coach will tell them what they saw and give them any tips if necessary on what to do/not do the next time. As a parent, it can be hard to keep your mouth shut when you see an obvious mistake, however it is always best to let the coach do the coaching and have you be the cheerleader.
These are just some of the answers you will need answers to when you take your child to their first swim meet. The most important thing of all is that your child has fun. Having fun while learning a sport is the best possible scenario for your child. I schedule Brandon play dates with his swimming friends as often as we can. We also tend to show up for practice early so the kids can play for 15 minutes before they start practice. If they are in a year ‘round program, they will most likely spend more time with their swimming peers than their peers at school, so building those relationships is really important.
If you have any questions about what to expect at a swim meet, or not sure what kinds of questions to even ask, shoot me an email!
Until we meet again,
Swim On!
Ruthie Palmatier
SwimMama