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Swimming is a sport that, like anything in life has its ups and downs. This past weekend we drove to Federal Way, Washington so that our son could compete at the Northwest Age Group Sectional Championships swim meet. This is a very large swim meet with the fastest of the fastest swimmers in the northwest competing. It is quite a big deal to qualify in this meet, let alone place in the top 8. Out of the 250 plus swimmers on our team only 15 qualified for this meet. My son was one of those 15. These types of big swim meets can create an incredible amount of pressure and expectation for a young swimmer. Brandon is no exception. The thing about Brandon is that nobody is harder or puts more pressure on him than himself. At larger meets, the hosting team posts what is called a “Psych Sheet” the week before the meet that tells you where each swimmer is ranked for each events. Its nice to know how you stand, but sometimes that can be a lot of pressure.
Brandon was ranked very high in this meet. In fact, he was ranked 1st in one event, 2nd in four and then 6th and 7th in his other events. For Brandon, this meant that his expectation for himself was that he would in fact swim up to his ranking. They don’t call it a “psych sheet” for nothing!
So many factors play into how well as swimmer will perform at a swim meet. How hard have they been training? How well rested are they? Are they experiencing a plateau right now? How many meets have they recently swum and how much time have they been taking off? How confident are they feeling? Are they relaxed or stressed? How has their nutritional intake been? How much are they affected by results from previous swims? Are they nervous about any of their events? How well do they handle diversity?
Last weekend Brandon swam like a champion. Did he win any of his events? No; not a single one. The highest place he finished with was 3rd place in the 100 Breaststroke and that was tough for him to swallow. But he did. He swam close to his best times all weekend and while he was very frustrated, he persevered like a well seasoned athlete. There were two races, which as a parent, really pulled at the heartstrings. He told me a few days before we left town that he was nervous about his 200 IM race. He has always been afraid of hitting the wall during the backstroke turn so what ends up happening is that he usually turns over too soon, pauses for a second before he flips and then gets disqualified. It happens more than 50% of the time. Apparently this was really weighing on him the week before the big meet. As he was telling me of his concerns, I was really wishing we hadn’t entered him into that event. I kept my thoughts to myself because these are things he needs to deal with and if I’m nervous right along with him, then I’m not doing him any favors. Its hard not to feel his anxiety. I’ve seen every single one of his races over the years and I’m a mom; its what we do.
Day 1 of the meet, Brandon swam the 100 breaststroke and the 50 freestyle. He swam very well and placed 3rd and 4th in each of those events. He was ranked 2nd in both, so for him, he failed. But he kept a good attitude and for that we were proud. Day 2, his relay team (ranked 8th) finished 4th in the first race of the day and the boys were on top of the world. They swam in the first heat, won their heat, and got to go pick a heat winner prize. Often times an early success like that feeds off itself and swimmers can have a fantastic rest of the day. They feel great, have a positive attitude, and they are calm. But Day 2 was also the day he had to swim the 200 IM. I could tell as the day progressed that he was getting nervous. He stopped talking to his friends and started just standing around the pool watching the races, staying to himself. He had to first swim the 100 Freestyle. He swam well, but we could tell something was off. In fact, his coach seemed to think he was having breathing issues. 15 minutes later, he’d be up again for the 200 IM. He just stood there, off to the side watching the other races. Brent and I just sat and worried about how he was feeling. The pressure was mounting. Was he psyching himself up? Out? And what could we do to help him? Not a thing. He got through his swim. It wasn’t pretty, but it was legal and he made top 8, which meant another medal! Yay!!! In true Brandon fashion, however, he was frustrated and upset. He still had to do one more relay, but at least the dreaded 200 IM race was over. I felt like I could breathe again. The afternoon relay went well and we had just one more day of racing to get through. Brandon and his friends were able to go see a movie. We had dinner with fellow swimming friends that night, and normalcy as we knew it was back on track.
Day 3 - last day of the meet. 100 Fly and 200 Free. Two safe and strong events. Brandon swam the 100 fly and swam strong. He had hoped to do better, but he placed 7th. Surprisingly he maintained a good attitude. One final event to go - the 200 free. Brandon was ranked 2nd and he was feeling strong and very ready for this race. He had good energy and a calm, positive attitude. He was determined to not only win it, but improve his time. He got on the blocks, took his mark, and off he went. On his first 50 he was in 2nd place. One swimmer went out really fast, but by lap 3 was starting to fade, and fade fast. Brandon stayed strong. It was neck and neck with another boy and they were coming up on the other swimmer, but Brandon was holding steady and moving into first place. What a race! It was a fight, but as the race kept going he got stronger and stronger and his lead was getting more and more noticeable. Here they come to the 150 and Brandon isn’t turning over! Where is his flip turn? He touches the wall as if he is done! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!! BRANDON - GO, GO, GO, GO, GOOOOOOOOOOOO. You have 2 more laps to go Buddy! I’m watching in utter disbelief, my heart breaking into pieces right there on the bleacher floor. Unable to telepathically move him in the right direction, seeing that all of the other swimmers have flipped and swimming the final 50 yards, there sits Brandon, hanging on the wall, removing his goggles completely oblivious. Everyone was yelling for him to keep going. He didn’t seem to hear us. My heart just sank and my stomach turned over and over. Finally after about 10 seconds, he realized what had happened and off he went as fast as he could, finishing with 11th place. But … he finished. And 11th out of 22 was quite good all things considered.
What was decidedly going to be the best race of the weekend, turned out to be the most devastating one of all. Brandon was visibly crushed. I saw a look of upset that cut to the bone. Brent and I were sure that it would be a very long ride home. This was the biggest upset of Brandon’s young swimming career. After consulting with his coach, hearing stories from other swimmers Brandon respects, he somehow calmed right down and shook it off. It was the strongest showing of picking yourself back up I had ever witnessed and must say that his strength to overcome that defeat was greater than anything I ever seen from him. Today he asked me to sign him up for the 200 IM at his next meet. He is going to do it again and he isn’t afraid. Wow - what a good boy! Maybe this was the meet where his heart and spirit won the gold medal.
Swim On!
Ruthie Palmatier
SwimMama
Amy Lang, MA Birds + Bees + Kids®
The question about porn is the Teen Boy Question of the Ages - what to do? I happen to think that porn is not a good idea for anyone - in particular teenage boys. The problem is that their brains are still developing and what they can see in terms of sexual activity can be way more than they can handle emotionally. It feels good to see sexually stimulating images, but the kind of images one can access on the internet go beyond merely sexually stimulating.
The internet has been called “the crack cocaine” of pornography because it is so easily consumed and highly addictive. There is some evidence showing that boys and men who view a lot of porn have trouble developing “real” sexual relationships.
Because they have seen fake sex, with fake partners, when they get the real thing, it’s disappointing because it doesn’t fulfill their rich (and fake) fantasy life.
So now that I’ve scared you into thinking your son is a porn addict that won’t have lasting relationships except with YouTube, here’s some stuff you can do to help you sort this out.
www.theporntalk.com has some good information on it.
Read Pornified, http://tinyurl.com/cdfwy8
Or Smut (this one is shorter) http://tinyurl.com/cd5c7w
Take some time to think about and clarify what you believe about porn. Good? Bad? It’s impact on men, women and relationships? How will you explain this to your kids? What is your experience with porn?
Where is your computer? What are your family rules for internet use? Engage your kids in this conversation.
I hope you don’t feel like I am lecturing at you - and my son is only eight so I have yet to deal with this personally - I just know from what I’ve read and my personal beliefs that porn isn’t good for anyone. I hope for a world where kids aren’t looking at porn before they can fully understand what it means, its impact on women and our culture and how it can mess with their heads and hearts. A 17 or 18 year old can nearly fully comprehend this - a 14 year old cannot.
birdsandbeesandkids.com ©2009 Birds + Bees + Kids® LLC 206-661-2245
About the Author: Through her business, Birds + Bees + Kids, Amy Lang teaches parents how to talk to their children of any age about sex, love and relationships. She has a 16-year history as a Sexual Health Educator, a Masters in Applied Behavioral Science and loves to help people learn about this vital part of parenting.
Having trouble staying calm and centered in “this economy?” You’re not the only one.
I was just chatting with a client yesterday who shared how upset with herself she was about getting sucked into the maelstrom of negative energy the banks, the media, the politicians, even her neighbors are spreading like a bad case of measles.
And, on top of that, she admitted feeling guilty for not attracting the positive results that her Law of Attraction beliefs promised, and that she saw others experiencing.
She didn’t quite know what to do since not listening to all the negativity felt like burying her head in the sand and not staying positive felt like a betrayal of her principles. As I said to her, she couldn’t win for losing!
So what’s a spirit-minded small business owner to do when it seems like the whole world is preparing for the next Great Depression?
You’re at a choice point here. You can either pick up your marbles and go home, giving up on your dream of building a successful business and touching people’s lives with your services.
OR you can be like Chicken Little.
If you’ll recall the story, Chicken Little got bumped in the head by a wayward nut and ran around telling everyone “The sky is falling! The sky is falling!”
Now, I’m actually not advocating jumping to hasty conclusions. What I find instructive in the story is that Chicken Little didn’t allow herself to be swayed by public opinion. Sure, she had the wrong idea, but boy, she clung to that idea like a barnacle despite what anyone else told her. And she took action as a result of her theory.
That kind of tenacity is what’s needed here. No, the phone isn’t ringing as much as it used to. Yes, potential clients are more often saying they need to “think about it.” Agreed, some banks are going belly up. But that’s the illusion of reality life offers. (Kind of like the sky falling.) Abundance is still the plan; success is still an option.
There will undoubtedly be some businesses that fall by the wayside. But that doesn’t have to be your fate. What’s called for, in addition to tenaciously hanging onto your belief in abundance, is the flexibility to get into action. As my business mentor put it, you’re going to have to market your butt off. Maybe even come up with some new offerings. Certainly focus a lot more on the value your services deliver.
I just got off the phone with another client who lost her long-standing job with a family-owned company last Thursday and five days later was practically handed on a platter three new large-scale clients for her growing consulting business (we’re talking thousands of dollars here).
Are you going to see that on tonight’s news? Nope, because it’s not as dramatic as the latest tumble in the stock market. But it’s just as real.
Abundance happens, even in “this economy.”
©2009 Helen Graves
Helen Graves, Grand Poohbah of Crackerjack Online Marketing Strategy, shows service-based small business owners how to create stronger connection so you sell more with your product and program promotional campaigns.
Visit www.Product-Campaign.com to get a hold of her free online marketing resource, “Make More Sales: How to Create Connection and Desire So Clients Can’t Wait to Buy from You.”
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By Kim Estes |
| It is amazing how much kids grow in seven months. From toddlers to teens, the social leaps and physical growth in such a short time is nothing short of amazing. As parents, it is hard to keep up with the constant changes! | |
| Just like you need replace and update those clothes your kids have outgrown, you also need to replace and update the safety rules for your kids as they grow. |
Talking to your kids early and often about safety is one of the most effective tools parents have in keeping their kids safe from predators. This month, we encourage Parent’s to update and review the safety rules with their children.
Did your crawler start running?
Did your toddler start talking?
Is tentative kindergartener, now a confident kid who is learning to read?
Are you suddenly the parent of a “tween” who wants more independence??
Time to start talking…. Again!
Here are some talking points to get you started:
- Talk to your child about the “safe grown ups” in their life
- Review with your children the persons on the “OK” list to pick them up at school
- Talk to your kids about maintaining healthy physical boundaries
- Help your child understand the “roles” of the adults in their life
- Continue to practice age appropriate “what-if’s” with your child
- Ask your child if anyone gives them the “uh-oh” feeling
• Remind your child that grown ups don’t ask kids for help. They ask other grown ups to help them.Everyone wins when you talk about safety and the more you let your child know that their safety is your number one concern, the better!
About the Author: Kim Estes is the co-founder of the non-profit organization: Parent Education And Child Empowerment (P.E.A.C.E of Mind) www.pomwa.org . Kim has worked with parents for over 12 years, educating them on various parenting topics. Kim and her cohort in crime prevention, Sabrina, help liberate parents from fearful parenting! Through non fearful techniques and easy to apply parenting strategies they help empower families to be safe.