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By Melissa Ackerman
Curling up beside my daughter I bury my face in her neck and breathe in her scent and feel her warmth. My worries of the day melt no matter how heavy a load and a cocoon of love surrounds us in its protective warmth. The rigor of the day releases my shoulders allowing me a time of gratitude and blessing for my one true love that can put life back into perspective. This is a gift she gave from birth. Now I understand there is not love like that for a child and no greater fear than that of their future.
When my daughter Maddy was born seven years ago, I vowed to talk, listen, and cultivate our relationship early and often. It is a proven fact that being an active part of your child’s life can make or break their success in school and life. That special time set aside just for the two of us might just save our connection in the future when Mommy isn’t so cool anymore. So she wouldn’t notice quite so readily my infiltration of her life, we began setting up that relationship before she could even talk.
As an older mom, I’m also keenly aware that growing up in today’s techno explicit society is a completely different world in many ways from the early ‘70’s and yet painfully similar in others. Wanting acceptance and fitting in, being liked, feeling important, and knowing unconditional love are still the cornerstones of happiness for children. Lucky for my daughter – although one day soon she may disagree – I’m trying to stay aware and informed about all the new ways kids have to express their independence. It helps that it’s my job as a middle school teacher as well (something she finds cool now that will one day drive her crazy, we hope).
Being a middle school teacher made me super sensitive to a myriad of sympathies I felt for young teenage girls. Struggles I experienced as a teen that now have reached a whole different realm with text messaging and cyberspace. I’ve struggled to perfect recognizing manipulative Queen Bees and subtle bullying tactics girls work so hard to mask but that only touches on what I can see and hear at school. Kids have to feel comfortable talking to some adult to confront issues like cyber bullying in order for us to even be aware this is happening. Some of that can be circumvented when parents are actively involved in computer time and visit spaces their children frequent but kids are resourceful and clever and adults don’t always see what’s really happening. These were just the topics I wanted my daughter to grow up feeling comfortable confiding in me. I wanted to be there for her in a nonjudgmental way to offer what advice and experiences I had to give (sounds so ideal, now if only I can live up to expectations).
Maddy and I began carving out snuggle time right before bed time when we’d roll up in a ball together on her bed, look at the stars out her window, and talk about the day. She was enrolled in preschool from the time she was 6 months old so there were many issues to talk about even at three when the talk began to truly take shape. I promoted the snuggling because it felt good too. Besides, once that routine is set, there is no turning back.
Snuggle time implementation has begun to pay off. At first I didn’t really notice. Maddy would ask tentative questions in the car on the way home or to schooland I, in true mom form, pooh-poohed her thoughts and let her know everything was not as she understood it to be and don’t be so silly. Then, bam, on the way home one day, it dawned on me, she wanted to talk and I slammed the door. So, I took our snuggle time to pry the door open once again. It takes so little to loose ground and with good intentions.
Now I listen first, don’t interrupt (on a good day), and offer support not judgment. The ground I’d lost took twice as long to gain back.
Maddy’s new obsession is her American Girl doll and her pets. Quite by accident we were snuggling one evening on the couch when the new movie about American Girl’s 2009 doll Chrissa came on. We watched together about a young teen struggling to find her footing at a new school where a bullying girl made her life miserable. Mid movie I realized Maddy was asking me questions about Chrissa’s choices and about how she and her friends were being treated. Eureka! I’d reached the first step in keeping our mother-daughter communications open! True Maddy’s only seven now, but surely these experiences are imbedding themselves into her mind and heart giving her ammunition to meet life’s first challenges.
Since that night I’ve looked for other resources for future use and found the following websites interesting and informative.
Girl Talk is a site dedicated to providing a guide for mothers and daughters to prevent underage drinking and offers an upbeat atmosphere.
http://www.girlsanddrinking.org/index.php?/girl_talk/mom_matter/
Stand Together and Stop the Bullying Curriculum uses Chrissa’s story to help stop bullying in the classroom – created by American Girl.
http://www.americangirl.com/girloftheyear/curriculum.php
The Ophelia Project is “a catalyst for change in schools, the work place, and community…”
http://www.girlsanddrinking.org/index.php?/girl_talk/mom_matter/
Long live snuggling, hugging, and other forms of love and communication between parents. Maddy also has snuggle time with her daddy and misses him right now as we prepare to relocate in California next month. If you want to talk snuggle, just email me at melacker@gmail.com, comment at queenmabsmuse.wordpress.com, or befriend me on Face book under Melissa Ackerman in the Monterey Bay network.
More teen book websites:
Melissa is the mother of a six year old little girl, Madeline, and the wife of a former ship captain. She and her family just moved to Maine a year ago from Monterey, CA to experience a change in lifestyle and become middle aged entrepreneurs. After 22 years of teaching, Mel (Melissa) needed more time with her family and so she and a friend started Dancestones.org; the business of giving comfort through Maine’s rolled stones. Reading and Writing are her deepest passions- when she’s not collecting stones in remote areas of Maine!
This weekend I was very saddened to hear the news of Michael Phelps’ recent “regrettable” behavior and “bad judgment” with a marijuana pipe. We’ve all heard the saying “with great power comes great responsibility.” Michael clearly made a mistake that will be felt by many. While he is certain to lose endorsements, I wonder if his biggest punishment will be experiencing the disappointment he is causing his mother, his coach or from knowing that children across the world will now look at him with different eyes.
Michael is a big hero in our house and has been since he was a teenager. When Brandon was old enough to understand what he was watching, Michael Phelps became an instant role model. At six years old Brandon wanted to be Michael Phelps. Now at ten, when people ask him the question of whether he wants to be Michael Phelps, Brandon responds by saying “no, I want to beat Michael Phelps.”
Today I had to talk to Brandon about Michael’s actions. We discussed the consequences of such a disastrous mistake. Many will argue that Michael is a 23 year old kid and should be given some level of leniency. As a parent I have a hard time with this. Children are so impressionable. I absolutely feel that he should be held to a higher level of standards. He is setting an example both in and out of the pool. Children do not have the ability to differentiate between the idolized person they see on TV from the real life person who has his own life struggles and challenges. From a parental perspective, I’m very disappointed. At the same time, there is a great opportunity for discussion with our kids. I want Brandon to understand that Michael is a human being, not a super hero and see that he too is obviously capable of error. Michael was caught up in the tidal wave of his Olympic success (yet again – remember the post-Olympic 2004 DUI?) and allowed his judgment to be DQ’d. Will he take responsibility in gold medal fashion by stepping up to the blocks, diving in and streamlining his way back to his respectable image? I trust Michael will accept his consequences with humility. The world (and my son) is watching.
Swim On!
Ruthie Palmatier
SwimMama
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By Kim Estes |
| Tiny pink and red hearts, paper valentines with cars, animals and your kids favorite cartoon character (who knew Sponge Bob could be sentimental!) February is all about our sweethearts! What a great time to talk safety to your sweethearts (young and old!). It can be as simple as making sure that your kids know how special they are to you and the other caring adults in their life! Strong confident kids who feel valued by their parents and caregivers are less likely to fall prey to predators. |
Make sure your kids are getting attention from YOU so that they do not seek out attention from others. Here are some tips to help you show the love and keep your family safe!
Tips for all ages:
Read a safety book with your child (check out our resources page for recommended reading).
Spending time with your child is good for both of you! Find ways in the car, a few minutes while making dinner, at the dinner table or before bedtime to see how their day was. Open ended questions such as “what was the best part of your day?” Or “What was the toughest part of your day?” will help build a strong communication with you and your child and help them open up about issues that they may be facing.
Send a note in their lunch box or backpack. It could be something as simple as a smiley face on a post it or simple words of encouragement “good luck on your test today!”.
Check in with their teacher and find out what successes your child had over the week. Celebrate those good comments with your child. This lets both the teacher and the child know that you are involved and paying attention to what is happening in their world.
Tips for those sometimes hard to “reach” tweens and teens:
The Millennials “Gen Y” (born between 1978 – 1999) are an incredibly technologically savvy generation. Texting, IM-ing and e-mail is the way these kids communicate with each other.
As parents, we need to get on board too. Kids may start to clam up at this age, as the importance of their friends tends to overshadow mom and dad. This does NOT mean they don’t need you. In fact, they need you more than ever… send them reminders via text or e-mail about safety, checking in, and following their instincts. Will it be annoying? Will they think you are nuts? Probably, but the important part is that they read the message (at least the first 10 times.. after that you may have to get more creative). Let them know they can come to you if something is bothering them.
About the Author: Kim Estes is the co-founder of the non-profit organization: Parent Education And Child Empowerment (P.E.A.C.E of Mind) www.pomwa.org . Kim has worked with parents for over 12 years, educating them on various parenting topics. Kim and her cohort in crime prevention, Sabrina, help liberate parents from fearful parenting! Through non fearful techniques and easy to apply parenting strategies they help empower families to be safe.
Amy Lang, MA - Birds + Bees + Kids®
www.birdsandbeesandkids.com
What do you remember about getting your first period? Were you ready? Did you know what was happening? Had your mom, big sister or best friend filled you in before it happened?
I was home, alone and 12. I knew all about periods, thanks to the funny and fabulous “What’s Happening to Me?” and all of my friends already experiencing their “friend”. It wasn’t a big deal – I had some cramps, shyly told my mom (and told her not to tell my dad) and that was that.
I knew what to expect. I was ready and waiting and eagerly anticipating joining the club. Little did I know what a headache periods could be! Ah, youth!
So, what does your daughter need to know before the big day? One of the easiest ways to answer this question is to ask yourself “What did I want and need to know before I got my period?”
There is the obvious stuff – you’re a woman now, it happens once a month, it can be messy, you’ll need to take care of your clothes and be prepared, you might have cramps, you might be crabby, this is a tampon, this is a pad and here’s how you use them, etc.
But the not so obvious stuff is this: She needs to know this is a natural part of her body and becoming a woman. Your daughter needs to know she can become pregnant because she will be faithfully producing an egg each month. She needs to know her period will be irregular for the first year or so. She needs to know if she is not having her period and she has had sex, she could be pregnant.
And she needs to learn about all of this separately from conversations about sex, which should start at about age 5. The period conversation is one of those longer conversations, but one that should be relaxed and easy to have. There are great books for girls about periods, including one called, simply Period.
Tell your daughter about the first time you got your period – your thoughts and feelings. This will help open the door to this conversation, for you and for her. Tell her what you wished you had known and just a bit more.
And if you need more help, Before She Gets Her Period – Talking With Your Daughter About Menstruation by Jessica Gillooly, PhD, is the book for you. Just the thing to get you ready to talk to your girl.
birdsandbeesandkids.com ©2008 Birds + Bees + Kids® LLC 206-661-2245
About the Author: Through her business, Birds + Bees + Kids, Amy Lang teaches parents how to talk to their children of any age about sex, love and relationships. She has a 16-year history as a Sexual Health Educator, a Masters in Applied Behavioral Science and loves to help people learn about this vital part of parenting.
My cats gave me some marketing insight this week.
It started when I installed a new cat door for them in the kitchen instead of the guest room. (They were getting a wee bit too cozy with the couch in there.)
Who ever would have thought a simple thing like that would cause such an uproar? I mean, they still had free access in and out. And as far as I could see, this way was even easier for them – no jumping involved.
But there was no mistaking their lack of interest in trying something new. Pickles and Onion quickly let me know they were having none of it. (One even went so far as to use my potted ficus for a litter box, just to make sure I got the message.)
After much deliberation (and two days of shoving them through the door manually), I finally discovered the problem. There’s a little metal piece at the bottom of the door that springs up to connect with the magnets in the plastic flap. So every time they went through, it made a clanging sound. My Girls are not the bravest cats in the neighborhood and I realized they didn’t like the noise.
I mention this story (I really do have a useful point!) because we often find ourselves in the same boat with our potential clients. We’ve got this great product or program or service that we know will be of benefit, but when we share it with them, they run the other way. (Maybe not literally, like my kitties, but you get the idea.)
Despite the benefits we see possible for them, the reluctant client has some objection we may or may not be aware of. And the wallet won’t come out until that objection is taken care of.
Unresolved objections are the downfall of any transaction.
To that end, I thought I’d share three tips for getting past the objections so your prospect can experience the benefits of your services.
1) Anticipate – Spend some time thinking about possible objections BEFORE they come up. Working with one of my private clients recently on the launch of her new membership program, we brainstormed a great list of about a dozen possible objections. Now she can “answer” them in her promotional emails, blog posts and Tweets so the question never even has to get asked.
2) Acknowledge – Take the bull by the horns and sort out any objection right up front. It doesn’t serve you or the potential client to gloss over their concerns. Let them know you understand their question, and do your best to offer a sincere and genuine answer.
3) Ask – If a prospect is hemming and hawing and you’re not sure why, don’t be afraid to ask what’s stopping them from saying yes. Part of marketing authentically is keeping the relationship (not the sale) first and foremost in your mind. So asking what’s not being said is really a way of demonstrating your respect for them and their experience.
It’s not unreasonable for someone (feline or human) to have concerns about trying something new (especially if money is involved). So don’t be discouraged when your potential client doesn’t say yes right away. It’s just an opportunity to get into their world and see what’s holding them back.
And you’ll be happy to hear that Pickles and Onion are now using their new door with more and more confidence.
©2009 Helen Graves
Helen Graves, Grand Poohbah of Crackerjack Online Marketing Strategy, shows service-based small business owners how to create stronger connection with their product and program promotional campaigns so you sell more!
Visit www.Product-Campaign.com to get a hold of her online marketing campaign strategy resource, “The 3 Crucial Keys to Creating Desire So Your Products and Programs Sell Like Hotcakes.”