- Inc. Online
- ABC's The View From the Bay
Clever Parents.com
Real Resolve for True Desires in 2008
by Melissa Ackerman
It’s that time of year again when I break into a cold sweat at the words, “Do you have a New Year’s Resolution?” Ten years ago I decided to jettison the whole process of writing out a formal resolution due to all the psychological baggage accompanying the goals that ultimately go unrealized. However, that doesn’t change the feeling that with a new year comes a clean slate and a chance to legitimately identify and set goals toward real dreams and desires.
So what’s a “real” goal? If you’re anything like me, making New Year’s resolutions becomes a list of meeting friends, media, and significant other’s expectations. An exciting and fun event becomes our ball and chain for welcoming in 2008. Guilt crumbles even the most steadfast of foundations. Once we skip workout, eat cake, and leave the newly acquired file boxes still shrink wrapped, our guilt builds, our self esteem plummets, and we find ourselves back into that comfort zone of failure. Step one is first connecting with your own heart’s real desires.
Daily Thought from RealSimple.com December 26, 2007
“Put your heart, mind, intellect and soul even to your smallest acts. This is the secret of success.” — Swami Sivananda
Trusting in your gut feelings is the most accurate measure for what is right for you. As Dorothy said in The Wizard of Oz, “I know that if I ever go looking for my heart’s desire, I’ll never go any further than my own back yard. For if it isn’t there, I never really lost it.” Oprah.com is one of the best resources for helping to identify true desire.
This page and this page offer some key questions to contemplate and useful information for identifying your passion.
Resolutions, life goals and living your passion should all be taken in digestible increments and not in an avalanche of personal expectations. As Bill Murray said in What About Bob? “Baby steps…” Taking goals in smaller bites is sensible and the media buzz word for resolution success in 2008. Setting monthly, weekly, or even daily goals is another suggestion for resolution success. I recently received this email from Workitmom.com, “Big dreams and goals are great and important to have. But often the simplest changes can make a huge difference. This is a group for all of us to talk about and get motivated to accomplish one simple goal during each month of 2008. As we get closer to New Year’s many of us are probably thinking of making New Year’s resolutions. I thought we could try something different this year and created this group here at Work It, Mom! where we could focus on making one small change or achieving one small goal each month during 2008. We can share our monthly goals; support each other, exchange experiences.”
Workitmom.com
Many of the suggestions in this discussion group focus around attainable goals like eating breakfast, organizing a photo album, or walking the dog.
Also at Oprah.com, Peter Walsh gives some steps to New Year Resolution success.
New Year’s Resolutions
Original Air Date: December 28, 2007
- Start with one resolution. If you try to make too many, you may not accomplish any.
- Make your resolution very specific. “Don’t say ‘I want to lose weight’—instead, say ‘I want to lose three pounds a month so that I look hot in my new swimsuit come summer,’” Peter says.
- Be serious about your resolution. If you don’t take your resolution seriously, Peter says it is a waste of time to make one.
- Write your resolution down and post it in a visible place. If you see your goal every day, it will be in the forefront of your mind, Peter says.
- Enlist the support of friends and family. Bring others in on the resolution so you have a support group to help you accomplish your goals.
- Don’t let yourself quit. Even if you slip up once or twice, you shouldn’t abandon your resolution.
The resources for finding your passion are endless. Maximize your efforts and Carpe Diem in 2008!
O Magazine, page 37 of the Live Your Best Life section -
“Why do so many…settle for so little? I don’t understand why they are not greedy for what is inside them.” -Jack Gilbert (Poet)
About the Author: Melissa is part owner of www.dancestones.org.
By Amy Schwarzrock
We have the same clothes in our wardrobe because we have found they still looks good. Is there anything wrong with this? I would say not, once we find styles that work for us, we stick with them. I do have to say that I always look at the colors that are in the stores each year and keep my fingers crossed that there are colors that work for me. I remember walking into a whole mall one year and cringing at the colors that were carried by everyone and they definitely did not work for me. So I went back home and unpacked my winter clothing and assessed the situation. The outfits I had looked good on me and the colors worked for me, but they were all the clothing I had worn the last few years and I was longing for something fresh and new. So I checked out the essentials that I had and then looked at the colors of the season that everyone was carrying but that did not look good on me and decided to take just little bits of them and Voilá I had a fresh new look.
Jewelry is a great way to put smidges of colors into outfits and revitalize the whole look. Don’t be afraid of wearing jewelry in those colors you don’t normally wear, be brave, just try it. You will be amazed how a pumpkin color or oranges and reds warm a green and brown tone outfit. I was always told to never wear orange or red with an orange hue to it and for the most part I would agree with what was told to me. An orange shirt looks pretty bad on me, but I was amazed at how cute a necklace with some orange in it, along with greens and reds, brought a whole new dimension to what I was wearing. Many of us have a few common pieces of clothing such as that simple black dress, be it little or longer. What an easy piece of clothing to wear, and let your jewelry do the talking. What message do you send with that dress and some pearls, with an elegant up do, and black heels? Simply sheer elegance. Take that same dress and add a splash of color in red, or any of the jewel tones around the neck And then take a longer coordinating necklace, and use it as a belt around the waist, and it is a more sassy and fun look. Finally, take that black dress, and put a nice jacket over it and wear a matching set, earrings, necklace, and bracelet in a burgundy and black and white, and you have a very professional look.
What do I do to revitalize my jewelry? There are times when you need to look in your jewelry supply and think outside the box. What can you do to change things up a bit? First, look at your necklaces. Do they have pendants that come off (without wrecking the necklace)? If they do, pull them off. Then take a look at your pins. Can any of them be hung on a chain? Can you take something that was on a thin chain and try putting it on something thicker like an omega or a collar necklace? Now, look at your bead style necklaces, can you double and triple those to achieve a different look or can you use them as a bracelet? Do you have any necklaces that will work as a belt? Another great idea is to remove a handle from your purse and use a long necklace as a handle. There are times that you look at that jewelry and you say, “I’ll never wear that again.” It happens; we all have been through it. Now what? Well, we have a few choices, if you have something with a return option, do that, return it for something new. Another choice is what many people do, they either garage sale the item, or give it to their kids to play with, or put it in a box hoping the style will return again someday.
I had play jewelry that my mom wore in the 1960’s and early 70’s and I look at items out today and they look a lot alike. That being said, there are several avenues for getting jewelry when you are on a budget in the New Year. Thrift stores, estate sales, and garage sales provide a wealth of jewelry to be sorted through if you have the patience and a little imagination. Very seldom do I find something that I will buy and wear as it is, but, very often I find pendants that can be used now on my omega, or a great necklace that can be made into earrings with just a few simple pieces from a craft store. The fun in this is the fact that you seldom pay very much for the thrift piece and so even when you are trying to figure out how to do it, and you mess up, you are not out very much money. Then when you get it right you have a unique piece of jewelry that you will take pride in knowing you just whipped it together and it cost very little.
Finally, keep your eyes on the sales, look for some basic pieces of jewelry in colors that transcend the seasons; naturals, pinks, gold, silver, and blues are all great colors for jewelry, and they will go with many items in your clothing wardrobe for many years. When you look for jewelry, look for the quality, not just of the stones, but look at the clasps and the hardware of the jewelry, will it stand up for a number of years? What do you store your jewelry in? There are amazing jewelry boxes of all sizes, if you can keep your necklaces untangled they will have a longer life. There is also an amazing product that I stumbled on called a Prezerve jewelry case. It is sold on QVC, and on line at QVC, also in their retail stores. Essentially it is a jewelry box in a travel case with zippered pouches to hold many types of jewelry. There are travel size pouches and larger size that are expandable by adding “pages”. I have several women who actually have their jewelry with them in their car so they can change for an evening out, or if they just don’t get their jewelry on before they leave for work. Mine is black, but they come in several colors and they hold ring, bracelets, necklaces, slides, and earrings.
I wish you all the best of times in 2008 and be brave, try something new with your jewelry wardrobe and revitalize your clothing wardrobe at the same time.
About the Author:
Please visit my website at: www.liasophia.com/amyschwarzrock
Amy Schwarzrock, besides being Bling Mama, is Karina’s Mom, a job she is most proud of. She and her daughter became a family through adoption and she feels blessed to have her daughter and committed to the cause of international adoption and all the children left behind. She has worked in a variety of areas of healthcare and education and she also serves in several paid volunteer positions including as a Paramedic and a Death Investigator. She also has started her own home business with Lia Sophia and enjoys this arena of her life as she can spend more time with her daughter. Amy has an ability to help women work within their budget to get some key peices of jewelry to help spice up their wardrobe no matter their style. Amy enjoys traveling and has been on several mission trips to Russia and Ecuador. Her focus now is to build her home-based business to help other moms make a great living with beautiful jewelry and in turn making more time for her to spend with her family. Amy is always looking for other motivated women who want to get some great jewelry and earn a great commission. She is thankful for her many friends who have been a blessing in her life and she works with her business to bless other single moms in her community.
These are a Few of My Favorite Things!
by Erin Nowak
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens may have been on Julie Andrews’ list of favorite things when she appeared in the Sound of Music, but I’ve got far more stylish faves on the brain these days. I thought I’d share some of the most interesting and just plain fun style finds I’ve come across in the past year. I’ve also included a few of the trends forecasted to hit big in 2008.
Beauty
A few months ago my friend and business partner Jen, asked me if I’d ever heard of a “Lash Bar.” My interest was officially piqued! I rarely get the chance, but when the right occasion rolls around I relish sporting a set of fabulous false eyelashes. Pioneered by shu uemura, eyelash bars have long been hot in Tokyo. But this trend recently crossed the pond to the US! With some research I found there are lash bars from Milwaukee to Arizona. False eyelash application is one popular service offered. Clients are usually given a wide range of lash options from natural to glam—think glitter, wild colors, or feathers. And more often than not, eye makeup application is included with the service. Other services offered by lash bars include semi-permanent eyelash extensions, lash tints, and lash perms. These options are generally pricier and when it comes to extensions a certain level of commitment is needed for upkeep. Touch-ups are recommended every two to three weeks.
Home
I adore a well scented home, but it can be tough to locate candles that impart more than just your usual flowery or fruity fragrances. While shopping for my husband’s birthday, I was thrilled to come across Assouline’s Book Candles (http://www.assoulineusa.com/boutique/candles.html). This luxury book publisher has expanded its brand with limited edition wood, leather and bibliothque scented candles. Designed to evoke the warm and earthy smells of a library, the leather scented candle I chose is a hit with my husband and guests alike. Filled with deep and delicious aromatics, this candle is not the least bit overpowering. Assouline struck the right balance creating a fragrance that is neither too manly, nor too perfumey. It’s just right. If paging through a first edition volume fireside in a cozy leather armchair appeals to you, then these candles are perfection.
Color
One trend I see on the horizon for 2008 is a move towards monochromatic color schemes. As a stationery designer, much of my work centers on events, particularly weddings. For the past few years brides have come to me with color palettes consisting of a main color and an accent color. Think pink and brown, scarlet and antique gold, lavender and celadon green. More and more, I’m hearing from clients who want to take one color and weave it throughout their wedding day in many shades. Now brides are choosing monochromatic palettes that move from pale champagne to taupe to chocolate brown or include every shade of pink from the most muted ballet slipper to the deepest shade of fuchsia. And brides aren’t the only consumers setting this trend. I think I might be ready to trade in my contrasting deep red highlights. By layering coffee and copper highlights over my brunette locks, I think I’ll add an intriguing subtlety to my current hairstyle.
Fashion
Now that I’ve got a child in preschool, I’ve been reminded why rain gear is so important. Gone are the days when I can languish indoors while it rains cats and dogs outside. I’ve got to go from house to car, car to classroom, classroom to car, and car to house twice in one morning with at least one, if not two, children in tow. I wouldn’t be caught dead without a cute hooded jacket on a rainy day and I finally understand my daughter’s undying love for her red wellies!
Fun and functional, wellington boots keep your feet dry and add a certain playfulness to your wardrobe. From how you buy ‘em —printed with a skull and crossbones motif, with laces or zippers, or in a variety of hot colors; To how you wear ‘em—with a flirty dress and tights or over your favorite pair of jeans…these favorites of the English countryside (and the preschool set) definitely make a statement. That statement can be daring, different, trendy, or carefree. If you choose to give wellies a try, do be sure to find the right pair, namely one that matches your own unique personality and lifestyle. Stay within your own comfort boundaries—most women can’t pull off the wellies and hot pants combo made famous by Kate Moss at numerous Glastonbury Festiva1s. And choose a pair that is expressive and playful, but not too childish. Even the most wellie-wild tot doesn’t want their Mom looking like a bad imitation of Paddington Bear!
And beyond…
I’m looking forward to the many new style finds that 2008 has in store! From the strange and sweetly scented, to the innovative techniques that are changing the face of beauty and fashion around the globe, there are new trends waiting around every corner. As far as this Style Mama is concerned, entrepreneur moms are my favorite trendsetters of them all! Because nothing is more stylish than creativity, intelligence, perseverance, and dedication, something mompreneurs have in spades!
Erin Nowak, 2007
About the Author: Erin McKenna Nowak, is an entrepreneur, wife and the mother of two stylish little girls. After receiving a Bachelor of Fine Arts in graphic design and printmaking, she worked in New York City, Chicago and Providence, RI. Having been everything from a children’s book designer to the art director of several magazines, in 2004 Erin struck out on her own and started Bride Design. Bride Design features Erin’s fashion-forward, custom wedding and event stationery and accessories. Each of her one-of-a-kind creations reflect her clients’ personal style and highlights the unique details of their event. Erin is also the pen and paper portion of Invitastions™—edible cookie invitations—the tastiest trend in event stationery! An author and illustrator, Erin loves just about everything pop culture has to offer. When she’s not busy designing or chasing after her kids, she can be found chasing after the latest styles in beauty, fashion, home interiors, music and more!
http://www.bridedesign.com
http://www.invitastions.com
by Ruthie Palmatier
When I first heard about MommysCompany, I thought WOW! This is great! I’ve known Laura for quite some time and know what a wonderful person and business woman she is. I was so excited when she told me that she wanted me to be a part of MommysCompany.com.
I am a very blessed woman. I have a wonderful husband and together we have five awesome kids. We have the typical All-American blended family. We each had two children when we married and then later had a baby. We have worked very hard to provide as much of a traditional and stable family life for our children as we could. For most of our marriage, I have been home with the kids. And for the past four years, I have worked part-time out of my home office, for Team Double Click®.
Our four oldest kids are all grown (or so they believe) and out of the house. We have one child living at home and he is nine years old. His name is Brandon and he is our swimmer. Over the years, I spent many seasons on the soccer field, track field, baseball field and more with our four oldest kids. I can honestly say that I earned my stripes as the proverbial soccer mom. Juggling their practices and game schedules with a baby/toddler in tow, made for some interesting challenges. At that time, my focus was all about making sure we got to the field on time and to make sure nobody got left behind.
Now that we are down to Brandon, I am able to be a much more active team parent. While Brandon has played soccer and done taekwondo, all energies now are in swimming. I absolutely love watching him swim and being able to participate in the various meets and activities. Watching him do what he loves brings me great joy.
Whether your child is 8 or 18; whether they swim, play soccer, football or some other sport, competition is competition and it isn’t always pretty. Brandon has had to learn some pretty big lessons at a very early age. As with anything that is competitive, there is bullying, fighting and blatant disrespect. What I find so frustrating, and maybe this is my own naiveté, is that this type of behavior is displayed by the parents as much if not more than the kids. I’ve seen parents who are pushing their kids to live out their own (the parents) dreams. I’ve seen parents get angry when their swimmer doesn’t get the time they think they should and then sadly watch as they speak to that child with contempt. I have seen parents use swimming (or lack of swimming) as a punishment. I have seen beautiful friendships shredded over one single event where one swimmer got a faster time than another. I’ve seen tears, pools full of tears.
And this isn’t to say that everything relating to sports or swimming is negative. Quite the contrary. I’ve seen kids building new friendships and watch as those friendships blossom. I’ve seen kids who athletically improve and take pride in their accomplishments. I’ve seen coaches who truly care about the kids. I’ve seen older kids mentoring younger kids. I’ve see one child console another who only later that day had that consoling returned. I’ve seen kids cheering wildly for fellow swimmers. I’ve seen incredible team spirit. I’ve seen smiles, miles and miles of smiles.
Why is that we have our children play sports? Do we look for an outlet to help them release their over abundant energy? Do we want them to experience being part of a team? Do we want to provide them with as many opportunities as we can? What is the motivation? What is your focus? Stay on track so that your kids can have the best possible experience in whatever they do.
Ruthie Palmatier, aka SwimMama, lives in Boise, Idaho. Ruthie has been working from home while raising kids for the better part of the last 12 years. As she is down to having just one kid living at home, she now dedicates most of her free time to being the best SwimMama she can be. Ruthie chronicles her journey as the mother of a young athlete at http://www.swimmama.com/.
by Helen Graves
If you’re like many service professionals, you’ve probably experienced the ups-and-downs of growing your business.
Business growth happens for one major reason – more clients want more of your services. Attracting clients requires the dreaded “M” word – marketing. Ah yes, there’s the rub. If you want more clients, you have to let them know of your existence in a concerted, consistent way.
It’s a paradox, really. Most of the solo professionals I talk to and work with went into business because they wanted to help people (I’m right there with you), and they knew their service, be it coaching, consulting, massage, or something else, would do just that. None of us went into it because we like selling. And yet, that’s what has to happen in order for us to provide our service.
So, I’m going to reveal a possibly unappealing, yet definitely significant, truth to you.
You actually have two businesses:
1) Marketing your services
2) Providing your services
And if you neglect the first business, you won’t have much opportunity for the second.
Again, if you’re like most service professionals, you recognize the necessity of marketing. You work on your business card, you edit your brochure, you plan out your website. Gotta have a website these days, don’t you? And you can’t very well go talk to a prospect without a business card, can you?
Some of us spend hours, days, even weeks moving commas, re-writing text and formatting bullet points in order to perfect these marketing tools. The tendency is to think that it all has to be done and done flawlessly before you can actually get out there and start talking to potential clients. Right? Au contraire, mon amie.
It will never be absolutely perfect. And you will never be entirely ready. So just get started now.
It’s true, business cards are important and having a brochure or website can spell out your services and help you filter and pre-qualify potential clients. The danger is spending too much of your time on things that support your marketing efforts instead of on those things that really bring people through the door (or on the phone, depending on your service).
These support elements are what I call the “dessert” of advertising and promoting. In the continuum of marketing, they are soft and fluffy tasks that don’t require a face-to-face possibility of rejection – yet you can fool yourself into thinking they’re critical to your success. But it’s the “vegetables” that are going to cause your marketing efforts to pay off and your business to grow.
Vegetable elements of marketing are the tasks that many of us find hard to swallow as a steady diet; we know we should, but they just don’t have the flavor of the desserts. Attending a networking meeting (and actually talking to new people), following up on those business cards you’ve collected, presenting to groups, approaching a possible referral partner – these are what get you noticed.
And getting noticed is what marketing is all about.
So, here’s my proposition for you. Decide on 3 “vegetable” tasks that are the most palatable to you, and do them consistently for 30 days. Actually block time in your calendar each day -you may take weekends off- to get them accomplished. (Yes, you can hold your nose if you have to.)
I guarantee if you do those 3 things, whatever they are, consistently for a month, you’ll see results.
You have permission to still work on your “dessert” items; dessert is what makes the meal worthwhile, in my opinion. But just remember, dessert isn’t Growing Food.
Eat your vegetables first.
Helen Graves, Grand Poohbah of Crackerjack Marketing & Website Strategy, is expert at showing independent entrepreneurs how to get more clients with less stress.
Besides writing captivating website copy that prompts visitors into action, she also shares how to create genuine connection with your marketing so you can turn potential clients into paying clients.
To find out more or to sign up for her complimentary mini audio seminar, “Simplify Your Marketing in 6 Easy Steps,” visit Helen at www.helengraves.com
Reprint rights granted as long as copyright and contact information is left intact. © 2007 Helen Graves
Birds + Bees + Kids
Thanks Jamie Lynn Spears!
by Amy Lang, MA
If you haven’t heard yet, the news is out: Brittany’s 16 year-old-sister, Jamie Lynn is knocked up! What’s this got to do with you? Well, if your kids watch the TV show “Zoey 101” then you might have some explaining to do.
Actually, if your kids can read, watch TV, surf the web, talk to their friends or listen to pop radio, they probably already know.
Jamie Lynn plays a “perfect” girl – gets good grades, boys like her, but she doesn’t “do” boys, she’s pretty – you get the picture. Girls find her character to be empowering and a role model.
As it turns out, Jamie Lynn is just another 16 year-old with an older boyfriend and a sex life. This is a pretty typical situation for teenage girls all over our country. We don’t know if she was using birth control– we don’t know if he was using condoms.
We do know she’s pregnant. And we do know that girls who have older boyfriends tend to have sex sooner. Just because she’s a role model, doesn’t make her immune to her hormones, pressure or impulse.
And lucky you – a gigantic teachable moment staring you in the face. If you haven’t started the conversations about sex, love and relationships with your kids, here’s a great opportunity to get the ball rolling.
Before you talk to your kids, it’s very important you clarify your own thoughts, values and beliefs about sexually active teenagers, pregnant teens and parenting teens.
So here’s a little help on that front. Think about what you want your kids to know about teen sex and teen pregnancy. Maybe you were a pregnant teen. What do you want your kids to learn from your experience?
Finish these statements.
Teenagers who have sex are…
Teens that become pregnant are…
Teens that get birth control without their parent’s knowledge are…
Teenagers who chose to parent are…
Teenagers who chose to end their pregnancies are…
Parents of teens who get pregnant are…
So, send a little thought of thanks to Jamie Lynn for this gift and get talking. Wouldn’t you rather feel uncomfortable for a few minutes than become a grandparent years before you’re ready?
About the Author: Through her business, Birds + Bees + Kids, Amy Lang teaches parents how to talk to their children of any age about sex, love and relationships. She has a 16-year history as a Sexual Health Educator, a Masters in Applied Behavioral Science and loves to help people learn about this vital part of parenting.
Life’s about more than surviving.
This Christmas was one of the more intense holidays in the Big Daddy household. Not only are there the typical pressures the holiday brings, but we also added several layers to the stress cake, just for fun I guess.
In a moment of pure brilliance, we agreed to begin remodeling our house two weeks before Christmas. Our contractor was available, and if we didn’t take him up on it, we’d be pushed to the back of the line. So never mind that we had guests coming, parties to hold and the like: let’s tear giant holes in our house!
On top of this, I took on a couple of new big professional projects, and Amy’s pressures leading a church this time of year are enough to drain any holiday spirit right out of you.
Yet somehow, amid all the chaos, dust and rubble, we kept some sense of sanity as a couple. How did we do it, you ask? I’d love to say it was easy, but actually it takes a fair amount of planning and effort to keep our two-profession household in order.
One thing we agreed on a several years ago was that, whenever we had the chance to work together on fun or professional projects, we would. This has included building up a church together, co-authoring a book, splitting responsibilities for raising our son, and so on. Sure, there have been times when we feel, umm, let’s say less than affectionate toward one another, but we always work it out.
I hear lots of couples say they could never work with their spouse. But I think that, if you can marry someone, share a mortgage and give birth to children, mixing work with family is more a matter of motivation. With every new project, we make sure to define our respective roles ahead of time, and we never put ourselves in a position where one person is overseeing the other’s work. That’s a disaster waiting to happen. Instead, we try to work more in parallel toward common goals, which gives us some room to breathe, but also gives us plenty of interesting things to chat about over dinner.
One thing we agreed on that seemed weird at first, but that worked out well was agreeing not to buy gifts for each other this Christmas. I was a little sad to leave my list of ideas for Amy tucked away, but with the emotional and financial stress of all that was going on, buying more presents for each other simply would have become one more burden.
Instead, we put the money toward time together. We found one single night amid the rush that wasn’t otherwise filled, and we got a babysitter and hit the town. After a movie, dinner and a couple of drinks, I could feel stress and anxiety lessening by the minute. This gift of time and our undivided attention was better than any pair of socks or another beard trimmer by a long shot.
Finally, looking forward into the new year, we have begun making plans for a parents-only vacation. Though it’s still months away, knowing we have a plan to get away, even for a few days, makes the trials of daily living more bearable. When stress levels peak, we smile at each other, shake our heads and say, “only three more months until Mexico!”
Balancing our careers and nontraditional lifestyles isn’t easy, but the sense of common goals and quality time together is worth the effort. After all, Big Daddy just isn’t the same without the support and companionship of his Little Momma!
Got a question or comment for Big Daddy? Email him at Bigdaddy@mommyscompany.com.
Christian Piatt is an author, columnist, and owner of http://www.mywordtree.com/ , a professional writing, editing and marketing service. Their flagship service, Branching Out, is a custom weekly drip campaign service for only $99 a year. He is the father of four-year-old Mattias, and husband of Rev. Amy Piatt, pastor of a new church in Pueblo, Colorado, where he leads music. For more information about Christian’s books, and to read his personal blogs, please visit http://www.christianpiatt.com/
Shopping with Big Daddy this Holiday Season
by Christian Piatt aka Big Daddy
When I was asked to join the crew here at Mommy’s Company, my first thought was, how in the world am I going to hang with all of these women? Then I got to thinking about the jobs I’ve had in the past, and I started to realize how much of my professional life I’ve spent as the gender-minority.
During my time in education, there was usually about a ten-to-one ratio of women to men, which in some ways is great, and in other ways can be challenging. Though I never wanted for a friend to go to lunch with, I did have a hard time finding women who didn’t get bored with my analysis of the previous night’s basketball game.
Working in nonprofits wasn’t much different, and it’s much the same in church. A guy starts to recognize pretty quickly that, if he is interested in entering a professional field involving human services, he’ll probably be outnumbered.
Such was the case this week when my wife decided to stop by a local discount store to load up on Christmas supplies. While I was pretty sure we had every holiday gadget and gift-wrapping device ever invented, my wife was sure not only that there were more to be had, but that they all were on sale for today only.
Now, it’s a common myth that guys hate to shop. Though this is true for some men, it generally has more to do with the way it’s done. We knuckle-dragging hunter types are out of the kill when we shop. We like to have something already in our sights before we hit the door, and as soon as we cross the threshold of the store, we zero in on our prey.
My wife has a different approach. She has more of a general sense of need, and she’ll wander from aisle to aisle until she finds the thing – or more likely, things – that fill that vacancy. Before long, I was keenly aware of the mass of shoppers pressing in behind me, and I stopped having fun well before she was ready to check out. By the time she finished her search, I was sitting in the car with our son, grateful to be free of the crowded rows of stuff I no longer wanted in my face.
What happened? For one, we had different goals going in. I wanted to get in, get some stuff and get out, while she was happy to browse. With a little advance planning, this difference in shopping styles could have been avoided. I’ve put together a few tips to help moms plan their holiday shopping in a way that might better include their significant others, that is, if they want their help at all!
Have a plan – men love plans, so before you leave the house, have a list of the places you want to go and what you want to get. This way, we know what we’re getting ourselves into before signing on.
Create an incentive – it sounds kind of childish, I know, but it works. If you have five errands to do, but promise that we’ll stop by the music store to pick up the new CD I’ve been wanting while we’re out, now I have a reason to tag along.
Set limits – when you’re telling your hubby about your outing plans, try to estimate how long the list of to-do’s will take. We love “making good time,” so by having this as a goal, we can be the official timekeeper. The only trick to this is that, once you’ve given us an estimated time, we’ll hold you to it. So make sure you don’t sell yourself short and end up breaking your promise or rushing to the finish line.
Give us a job – we males love to feel useful. Instead of relegating us to pushing the cart, give us something to do. And through you may appreciate our heavy-lifting or high-reaching skills, we actually enjoy feeling like we have some agency in the decision-making process. Letting us pick out decorations or gifts may cause you some nervousness, but if you give us a clear idea of what you have in mind, or better yet, a set of options to choose from, we all end up getting what we want. And remember, we like to please you, so try to avoid cringing or looking like you just smelled something that died when we return with the item. If nothing else, smile and recognize our desire to help.
Here’s hoping that these tips add a little peace and pleasure to your holiday shopping adventures. Got other questions for Big Daddy? Bring it on!
Happy holidays,
Christian, AKA “Big Daddy”
Bigdaddy@mommyscompany.com
“Christian Piatt is an author, columnist, and owner of www.mywordtree.com , a professional writing and editing service. He is the father of four-year-old Mattias, and husband of Rev. Amy Piatt, pastor of a new church in Pueblo, Colorado, where he leads music. For more information about Christian’s books, and to read his personal blogs, please visit www.christianpiatt.com“
By Melissa Ackerman
…and I don’t mean by smiling appreciatively as you devour the entire box of chocolates or can of caramel corn.
“Mel that’s a beautiful sweater, it makes your eyes pop!”
“What, this old thing? I thought it might be too faded for work but I was desperate.”
“No way, it looks terrific.”
How often do we hear compliments and instantly, without a breath, diminish or completely dismiss the up lifting comments? It’s a nasty habit that sucks the life out of a moment, genuine or otherwise. I’ve even been known to go so far as to analyze why that person might have complimented me. Does it really look so bad that they had to say SOMETHING? What’s really wrong? Do I look like I need an encouraging word? It’s a wonder I don’t wrap myself in foil to deflect all the outside rays trying to get in and read my mind. Okay, all kidding aside, women in general do not take compliments well. We are the masters of denial. Now, with the holiday season, comes a whole new crop of denial based situations. What do we do to alleviate these issues and learn to embrace our inner gifts as well as those bestowed on us with grace and sincerity?
Think about it for a moment. Was there ever a time when you heard someone give a positive appraisal of a woman and the response was an instant thank you without any negative or diminishing comments? Personally I accepted almost no compliments simply and graciously until someone close to me changed my way of thinking by presenting my actions back to me from her perspective, bluntly and truthfully.
Before moving to Maine, I worked in an office in close proximity with my colleagues who were also my friends. We often commented on one another’s clothing, hair, shoes, everything. My response to any compliment was to deny it. No way could I accept a compliment. I didn’t deserve it. Everyone else looked so together and, of course, more deserving of the praise. It was my moral duty to say thanks but no thanks. Each of us in the faculty office seemed to do the same thing in our own way. I was the most annoying. Finally a close friend said, “So what you are saying is that I have no style and my thoughts are unimportant by your refusal to accept my praise.” I hadn’t thought of how my words were affecting the person giving the compliment only on how I must not act like I felt deserving of the praise. Since this was not an isolated incident and we were all culprits of our own denigration, my friend suggested that we make an effort to stop refusing gifts of praise and, when complimented, first take a breath and then simply say, “Thank you.” Her candidness put our actions into a whole new perspective. The act of refusing praise, gifts, or love due to our perceived unworthiness, was a put down in reverse.
For someone who always wanted to please, being superior at denigration hit me in the heart where it counted most. Beating everyone to negative judgment in order to make friends caused the opposite affect. But, ironically, when the compliments were curtailed to avoid the negative banter, I began to seriously consider my own negative thoughts with sincerity. Since no one was noticing my new haircut, it must be horrendous. It was a vicious cycle of self doubt that wouldn’t end until I accepted myself. As Martha Beck said, “Once you’ve begun accepting your own inherent gifts, you’re ready to receive a present from someone else.”(Martha Beck, O Magazine, September 2006) Martha is author of some truly inspirational books (Finding Adam, Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live, The Joy Diet: 10 Daily Practices for a Happier Life, two of which I’ve read in addition to her article in Oprah’s magazine in 2006 which maps out even more activities for accepting and giving gifts.
Ultimately the process continues with giving physical gifts as well. Another former colleague and friend of mine commented that she always felt obligated to meet my gift standards. I like to give gifts and to see people’s joy from receiving something meaningful or connected to their lives. The problem was that people who can’t take compliments also struggle with accepting physical gifts. What does the gift giver want? Now I have to get something comparable in size and value for in return and other similar thoughts ruin the moment of openly accepting someone’s generosity. Of course then there’s that re-gifting thing and if the person is contemplating all the gift’s angles then that comes into play and the whole reason for giving in the first place is lost. As Martha Beck says in her article,
“Once you’ve learned to give with an open heart, it’s time to receive something… You know the drill by now. Sit with the gift, physically touch it, and say, “Thank you; I accept.” Here it will come again, the emotional whirlwind: denial (”I’m not good enough to deserve this”); anger (”He probably expects me to sleep with him now”); bargaining (”I’ll give her a pie; then I won’t feel so guilty”); depression (”I bet he hates me for not writing a thank-you note”). Touch the object. Say “Thank you; I accept.” Until you really do.”
On another note, giving gifts that take thought and energy need to be given without strings and with an open heart. I’m thinking of my own indiscretions here. I would genuinely wish to give my nieces and nephews something beneficial and original but their gift to my daughter would obviously have been something just to get checked off the “To Do” list. It couldn’t matter or I’d get caught back up into the cycle of not giving and accepting gifts openly. To save myself from being a hypocrite and fraud, I devised ways to give that helped others. No one in my family NEEDS more stuff. So I bought a goat in our family’s name at Heifer.org and sent a picture book to both sides of the family about the Goat Lady. One word of caution however, if your family is used to exchanging gifts, make sure they know ahead of time what you’re planning. It saves face in the end especially if your family, like mine, didn’t quite GET it. For more “giftless tree” ideas, check out The Gift Free Zone by Cynthia Gorney in the December, 2007 O Magazine. Giving to those truly in need, is one way to begin accepting self and giving unconditionally. Seeing individual gifts and talent for the treasures they are also begins with embracing all of what we are, inside and out. Just say, “Thank you!” and feel it to your toes. Below are some healthy gifts I’ve discovered traversing the web, reading magazines, talking to women at the Maine Women’s Network, and my family and friends.
Healthy Mama Books for Literary Gift Options:
Healthy Mama Gift Suggestions:
For soothing the burning itch of severely dry skin, my dad recommends Arbonne’s Mandarin Cashmere Body Whip. While undergoing three different treatments for cancer, my dad has tried numerous products to relieve the intense itching and incredibly dry skin on his hands and legs. The only product that soothed the 
itch without burning or being completely ineffective was the Arbonne body whip. He also uses Arbonne’s RE9 Nutrimen C on his face as the only product that relieved the rash and breakouts from his medications (For more information, email questions to SwissSkye@myarbonne.com or visit Suissebeaute.myarbonne.com).
For
your workout buddies, roommates, or friends, I found this idea for packaging treats fun and inventive:
- Take a trip to the spa
- Includes 15 spa amenities
- Everything fits neatly inside a 32 oz. polycarbonate water bottle www.llbean.com
Koie Workout Lug
Don’t want your smelly workout shoes mingling with your gear? No problem! This bag holds everything you need in separate compartments. Now that might help get you up off the couch.
Available for $70 at www.koieproducts.com
Healthy Mama Online Shopping Destinations:
http://www.gifts.com/recipients/her/active-healthy/ohFr6a376icp
Girlfriend’s Gift Guide - Yoga Passes
Harry and David Low Cal Snacks, Baskets, etc.
Shop the Cause!
Give a gift that gives back to women living in poverty
Mommyscompany.com readers can get an additional discount from the price listed on the Dance Stones website which was just reduced. Dance Stones for Mommyscompany.com are now $3.50 and $5.00 if you email me and tell me which stones you are interested in receiving… melissa@dancestones.org
By Amy Schwarzrock
The holidays are right around the corner and there is Bling in the air. Look around and see the lights everywhere and you can’t help but think bling. Last time we talked versatility and layering, today I want to cover two more rules of bling and then move onto shopping tips for those of you who still in need to find a gift for someone in your life. So let’s get started with the rules of the bling sisterhood.
Bling is not about the size or the extravagance, it is about the fact that it makes you feel more complete and put together. Have you ever had a necklace that you feel naked without or a bracelet that makes you smile when you look at it. It doesn’t matter the size of the jewels or color, if it makes you feel complete then that is the bling for you. Many of us who are privileged to be called “mom” have received a necklace or a ring or a pin that signifies our title of importance and of love and many of us wear that piece everyday. Sometimes it is under an outfit, etc. Don’t feel bad about that ladies, you can wear other pieces but the most important one is closes to your heart. Don’t let anyone tell you that you have to wear a certain necklace that you feel is too big for you or too small, the fact is that if you are not comfortable in your jewelry your bling turns into a big bomb.
Rule #3: Your Bling is about what you are comfortable in, no
Matter the size or the color, if you aren’t comfortable in it, it
Will be a bomb.
So, if I should be comfortable in my own bling, then what about colors, how do I pick pleasing colors that go with many outfits and work for? What about style and fashion? Color is a personal thing. No matter who you are and what your power over calling fashion ins and outs, there are many millions of women out there that don’t care that you have to wear red this season. This is very true for all of us moms; I will have certain colors in my clothing choices and jewelry because they look good on me. There are some versatile colors that will work season to season and with many different clothing choices. Blues are amazing! They look different with different outfits, the lighter the blue the more it can take on different looks depending on the color you are wearing. The same can be said for pinks, all shades of pink have been popular for years and they continue to be, and the same can be said for the lighter shades as we said about the blues. Naturals are your friend no matter the season or the outfit. You cannot go wrong with naturals and they are timeless as well. Along with the naturals greens are good for most and the shades can vary obviously from lime to hunter to olive green. Now what about the HOT colors for this season, you will see these all over. Red, Jewel tones, and pumpkin orange are all over the place. The pumpkin orange is one that most people fall in love with once they see it. What, you ask would I wear with pumpkin orange? The compliment color to pumpkin orange is blue, and specifically blue jeans and a casual shirt. Wow, take a look at these gorgeous colors in some amazing jewelry at my website. The catalog is just a click or two away. www.liasophia.com/amyschwarzrock
Rule # 4: Don’t be afraid of color in your jewelry and know that
It to can go with other colors especially lighter toned pieces of jewelry.
Ladies, we are reaching the time of year that brings stress over what gift to get who and I want to let you know that Bling mama is the answer to your gift giving dilemmas. Do you need to get a gift for your mother or your mother-in-law and do you need something for the kids to give to Grandma? With Lia Sophia there is always a buy 2 get 1 half price special and this month until December 14th you then can get an additional 3 items for half price. So, get the Trish reversible gold and silver omega (page 20) in either 17″ or 20″ and two slides. The slides (pages 16-23) will be your regular price item and then you get a $110 omega for $55. What a great deal and the slides look great on it. Then browse the rest of the catalog for items for yourself or others. You cannot go wrong with Color Vibe on page 11, it goes with everything. Another smash hit is Kiwi on page 14 and Secrets on page 47 won’t be around long as it will leave a catalog in February. It can be one or two necklaces, and it is most popular with the preteen and teenage crowd. Lia Sophia has a great special but I am making it even better. Order before December 14th and I will take 10% off your order and offer free shipping. Go to the website, look at the catalog and contact me it’s as easy as can be. I look forward to hearing from you and I wish you a Blessed Holidays.
You know it doesn’t matter what you wear on the outside, the gems inside your heart are the things that get you through each day and being a mom is the greatest gem we have at Christmas. There is no greater gift than a child that makes us a mom.
Be well my Bling Sisters until next time.
Please visit my website at: www.liasophia.com/amyschwarzrock
Amy Schwarzrock, besides being Bling Mama, is Karina’s Mom, a job she is most proud of. She and her daughter became a family through adoption and she feels blessed to have her daughter and committed to the cause of international adoption and all the children left behind. She has worked in a variety of areas of healthcare and education and she also serves in several paid volunteer positions including as a Paramedic and a Death Investigator. She also has started her own home business with Lia Sophia and enjoys this arena of her life as she can spend more time with her daughter. Amy has an ability to help women work within their budget to get some key peices of jewelry to help spice up their wardrobe no matter their style. Amy enjoys traveling and has been on several mission trips to Russia and Ecuador. Her focus now is to build her home-based business to help other moms make a great living with beautiful jewelry and in turn making more time for her to spend with her family. Amy is always looking for other motivated women who want to get some great jewelry and earn a great commission. She is thankful for her many friends who have been a blessing in her life and she works with her business to bless other single moms in her community.