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By Melissa Ackerman
As Oprah said in 2004, “What I know for sure is that giving yourself time to just be and not do is essential to fulfilling your mission as a human being.”
Lounging in bed, an hour after my daughter and husband made their way downstairs, I’m completely engrossed in a suspense filled novel. It’s the last possible moment before the characters are lost forever. If they can just… “MOMMY? MOOOOMMMMY!” my daughter yells in desperation. Ah, oh well (deep sigh), my previous feelings of guilt melt away and I smile, “Coming honey.” I am ready to meet what the day has to offer knowing inside that the last fifteen minutes before I shut my eyes tonight I will once again be in Rome, searching for that last clue to the terminal puzzle…There is a sense of accomplishment, despite the twinge of guilt that crept in as my husband lurched out of bed at 6:00am to pour the cheerios and milk while I snuggled down into the warm comforter and reached for my latest novel. But the guilt was fleeting. It was my time. Short and stolen as it was, then after those moments I was able to attend to everyone and everything that put demands on my time at the ready.
How many of us can say we take time for ourselves amidst our busy schedules? Recently I happened to catch a few moments of Rachel Ray discussing the need for personal time on her show with a woman who spent every waking minute on her family and didn’t “have the time to take for herself.” We women, mothers, wives, and daughters, are still just beginning to learn how important it is to rejuvenate our spirits on a regular basis even after all the articles in women’s magazines and discussions on news shows in the last few years about the extreme benefits of taking time. What does that mean for our overall health status?
In searching for data to support the benefits of taking a moment for ourselves on a regular basis, I found some information devoted to family caregivers of elderly and the infirmed to have the greatest clarity and a systematic relief plan. Although there is a different kind of stress intensity involved in caring for an elderly parent or an infirmed spouse, the selfless actions involved are similar. Devoting all of our time to running a household, a job, being a mother, a wife and daughter, without time for ourselves often leads to becoming overstressed. The biggest contrast, of course, between being an overstressed mom and an overstressed family caregiver is the element of choice. Caregivers don’t really have a choice whereas moms can organize their lives differently to allow for some peaceful repose.
In the online article, Survival Guide for Caregivers De-stressing to Stay Healthy by Scott McNutt, Abigail Joyce, NFCA (National Family Caregivers Association) manager of communications, says that caregivers can practice self-care by adhering to the NFCA’s Principles of Family Caregiver Self Advocacy which apply directly to moms searching for the means to make time to take time.
- Choose to Take Charge of Your Life.
- Love, Honor, and Value Yourself.
- Seek, Accept, and at Times Demand Help.
- Stand Up and Be Counted.
(For a more detailed explanation of these principles, visit the NFCA Web site at www.thefamilycaregiver.org/about/philosophy.cfm)
“It is really up to the caregiver as to what helps them de-stress…But caregivers do need to remember that they need to take care of their bodies- whether it is alternative therapies or regular exercise or hot baths. Caregivers need to take care of themselves because the person they are taking care of relies on them.”
“Ultimately, moms are aware that never taking time for themselves isn’t healthy and
‘We need energy, motivation and inspiration to be a good mom. We need to be rested, healthy and happy and can only do this by taking care of ourselves.’ Taking care of the caretaker, Tracy Lyn Moland suggests, should be a number-one priority for moms.” (Christine Louise Hohlbaum, Disneyfamily.com)
My typical response is, okay, when? It seems that most of us feel the time set aside for ourselves is dispensable since it is always the first to go when issues come up! After all, isn’t our job to accommodate the needs of our family first? Well, for the most part that’s true except we are a part of that working mechanism called “family.” Thus planning becomes essential. Not only does planning out the day, week, or month, help in setting aside time for that spa moment or simply painting our nails, but it frees our minds, eliminates clutter, and gives us a sense of control. What a phenomenal thought? If we’re in control of our schedule it means making the decision that self time is sacred and should be replaced when taken away.
While visiting Oprah’s show archive, I discovered helpful information from Laura Berman Fortgang. At the time she was interviewed, she was a life coach and the author of Take Yourself to the Top. Laura said “If you’re constantly running from one errand or obligation to the next and collapsing in exhaustion at the end of the day,” you are thriving on adrenaline. If your life is overbooked, she recommends asking yourself the following questions: Does a particular activity enhance or consume your life? (If it’s the latter, chances are you can give it up.) What is it you complain about the most? (It should probably be on the top of your “give up” list-NOT your “to do” list!) What do you really want? Does your “real life” reflect that? (If not, changes are in order.) Before you say “yes” to another activity, ask yourself how you’ll feel when it comes time to actually do it. (If you won’t be glad-don’t take it on in the first place!) (http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/tows_1999/tows_past_19990112.jhtml)
Thankfully, not taking time for self alone is not a health risk, it’s the build up of stressful moments into making us overstressed that creates the health risk. Overstressed lives can lead to high blood pressure, heart disease, being overtired, and a break down in our immune systems making way for other illnesses. Before moving to Maine and changing my career, I reached a point of being so overstressed that I found myself standing in front of my desk in a cold sweat one morning not knowing what to do. My mind was a blank. I’d been teaching for 22 years and I never felt such fear and trepidation as I did at that moment. What was happening to me? Even my workouts were grueling and had become just another scheduled event I had to fit in or I was failing myself and my family.
My situation lead me to seek out psychotherapy to work out why I was in such a rut, straighten out my hormones, and finally make a decision about how to live my passion since my career, although one I loved had become an inescapable rut. Oprah’s Magazine for October had an article that focused on just that subject by Christine Montross called Help! Where she “explains how going into therapy can get you back on solid ground.” It opened up for me the possibilities of my life with my family and, as this article discusses, “There is a kind of exhilaration that comes with each new moment of self-knowledge. Often the causes of stress aren’t big, overwhelming concerns but small things that seem hard to change,” which is exactly where I found myself before deciding I needed an objective third party to analyze my worries and desires to help me make some much needed changes in my routine. I would sit in my car in the parking lot of my school and convince myself that I had to continue, that this was my dream job that I worked hard to get hired by this prestigious institution in the resort town of Carmel, California. There were no other options since I had a young daughter and house to help support with my husband. My therapist helped me to see that doors had indeed opened up and that I merely had to choose one and step through.
From another perspective, I found Lisa Kogan’s article in Oprah’s archives, The Truth About Mommy Time, that looks at finding time for self in our busy schedules from the point of view that it isn’t possible. Her article begins, “New mother Lisa Kogan had a choice-she could write this article, or she could wash her hair…. Does anybody have a hat?” Lisa, a single 40 something mom, talks from the perspective that mommy time is a mythical goal. Her perspective is, “Raising a child-alone or with a partner-may be a labor of love, but, as anyone who’s ever sung “The Wheels on the Bus” 11 times in a row can tell you, it’s still labor. So imagine my weariness when I picked up a magazine in the pediatrician’s waiting room touting the virtues of a little something called mommy time.” And, from her view, finding time for self is another stress amidst all our other daily requirements. She says, “… I don’t know any mommies like that. Maybe they hang out at a special playground located in old Doris Day movies-they sure don’t live in my neighborhood. The women I know feel victorious when they actually manage to pick up their dry cleaning.” Lisa speaks from a place we have all been but do we need to laugh and let it go or search for a way to have what we need to thrive rather than merely survive?
Oprah’s October ‘07 issue concludes with her words, “Making the decision to look after yourself is the ultimate in healthcare,” which encompasses parents and non-parents alike. Despite feeling like Lisa Kogan more often than I do in achieving Oprah’s words of wisdom, I’m going to continue the belief that if I keep trying I will reach a balance which will most likely have to be re-weighted with each new day! We should all keep trying for those moments of peace even if it means just sitting in the parking lot of your child’s school finishing your cooling to-go cup of coffee and reading a couple of pages of the latest More Magazine before rushing off to the next scheduled event of the day.
Below are a few quotes from people who have tried to cull out some time just for themselves, books, and sites I discovered on my journey of discovery:
“I give myself Sundays. Sometimes I spend the whole day in my pajamas, sometimes I have church under the trees communing with nature…most times I just do nothing-piddling, I call it-and let my brain and body decompress from six days of nonstop mental bombardment. If I didn’t do that, I would implode, literally, in a crazy psychic breakdown. And whenever I’ve slipped up and missed a Sunday, I’ve noticed a definite change in my disposition for the rest of the week. I know for sure that you cannot give and give and give to everybody else and not give back to yourself. You will end up empty, or at best less than what you can be for yourself and your family and your work. Replenish the well of yourself, for yourself first. And if you think there’s no time to do that, what you’re really saying is, ‘I have no life to give to or live for myself.’ And if you have no life to live for yourself, then why are you here?” - Oprah, April 2004 Month’s Mission
My friend in California with a young daughter makes lists of ten:
* Retail Therapy
* A Massage
* A Pedicure
* Drinks with a girl friend after work
* A long hot soak in a hot tub or bubble bath
* Scrap booking my latest photos
* Driving through the car wash. (Completely Mindless 10 min.)
* Chatting on the phone with an old friend with glass of wine on the patio
* An afternoon nap
* A long drive with the top down on the convertible- Friend in California
My friend from Businessmom.net:
Every evening I set aside time to relax and reflect. I light a scented candle and play relaxing music. I journal for awhile and read from an inspirational book. This is easier now that my kids are a bit older.
When they were really little I would run away to the movies every Sunday afternoon. It was good for the kids and Dad and good for me. I couldn’t just take a break at home because there was always something to interrupt me. At the movies, though, it was a complete break from reality. I like to go by myself; I can totally decompress and take care of just me.
~Sandra P at themompreneurnextdoor.com
My List:
- Saturday morning reading in bed for a stolen few minutes
- Reading before sleep - when I can stay awake - reading is my greatest get away and easiest for me to manipulate.
- Exercise when it isn’t forced
- Haircut at the spa - I don’t have time for anything but the cut however the setting is relaxing and it’s my time
- Meditating by the moonlight streaming through my bedroom window.
- Reading my favorite magazines, O, More, and Real Simple
- Walking in the Singing Meadow 20 minutes before picking up my daughter from school.
Another Oprah find:
Finding Time to Pursue Your Passion
Everyone can find time in their busy schedules to pursue their dreams. Here are some ideas of how to find an hour or two here and there to follow your passion. Whether you have 10 minutes or 2 hours at a time, just by following these examples you could find up to 20 hours per month or more!
Get up an hour earlier one day a week.
- Turn off the TV two to three hours per week.
- Set aside one hour every weekend.
- If you’re a parent, get a babysitter once a month for a couple of hours.
- Dedicate one lunch hour a week.
- Start a carpool for taking your kids to school.
- Share duties around the house: Ask your spouse to do the laundry this week.
Make sure you set aside these times in your appointment book or calendar so you can’t make excuses or forget!
Make a list of things you are going to do to save time. Keep track and see how much extra time you actually have for yourself.
http://www.oprah.com/spiritself/lybl/pass/ss_lybl_pass_10.jhtml
Books to Soothe the Mommy Mind:
EAT, PRAY, LOVE
By Elizabeth Gilbert
Check out the Oprah.com website to read more about this book and its author.
Oprah’s October Magazine lists, “Other Resources…Serenity and sanity are just a page, a log on, or download away.
Websites:
Beliefnet.com
Quotegarden.com
Goodnewsnow.com
Practicalphilosophy.org
Books:
The Power of Now, by Eckhart Toile
Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith, by Anne Lamott
Eat, Pray, and Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert
Audio:
Health Journeys
Sounds True
SOURCES USED AND RECOMMENDED:
“Super Moms: Ordinary Moms Doing Extraordinary Things”
By Christine Louise Hohlbaum from Disneyfamily.com
More about the author: Christine Louise Hohlbaum, American author of Diary of a Mother (2003) and SAHM I Am (2005), has been published in hundreds of publications. Christine currently resides near Munich with her husband and two children. Visit her web site at: http://www.diaryofamother.com/.
Healthline.com
Revolutionhealth.com
http://www.revolutionhealth.com/healthy-living/natural-health/healing/stress/circle-breathing
Oprah.com
O, The Oprah Magazine, October 2007
This a great article with lots of ideas to make time for you : From Parenting Magazine
De-stress in 5 minutes or less 12 ways to chill out - fast, by Leslie Pepper http://www.parenting.com/parenting/healthypregnancy/article/0,19840,mGpmnqZorQ==,00.html
http://www.oprah.com/spiritself/lybl/pass/ss_lybl_pass_10.jhtml
Melissa is the mother of a six year old little girl, Madeline, and the wife of a former ship captain. She and her family just moved to Maine a year ago from Monterey, CA to experience a change in lifestyle and become middle aged entrepreneurs. After 22 years of teaching, Mel (Melissa) needed more time with her family and so she and a friend started Dancestones.org; the business of giving comfort through Maine’s rolled stones. Reading and Writing are her deepest passions- when she’s not collecting stones in remote areas of Maine!
Check out Dig:
Check out Digg! Digg is a place for people to discover and share content from anywhere on the web. From the biggest online destinations to the most obscure blog, Digg surfaces the best stuff as voted on by our users. You won’t find editors at Digg — we’re here to provide a place where people can collectively determine the value of content and we’re changing the way people consume information online.
By: Helen Graves
You know what they say about herding cats. (And if you don’t, go find about 8 or 9 felines and try to get them all in one place.)
As an entrepreneur, I often find myself in the unenviable position of herding cats, metaphorically speaking. And the cats I’m trying to herd are the new business projects that are constantly popping into my head.
One of the gifts –and curses- of an entrepreneurial mind is our ability to generate bright ideas at the drop of a hat.
It’s a gift because these ideas are the life’s blood of our businesses. And it’s a curse because we can get so caught up in running after each new flash of brilliance, that we often don’t actually accomplish a whole lot.
Anybody with me on this? (Gosh, I hope it’s not just me!)
Well, I’m going to let you in on a little secret.
There is a way to herd cats, and it’s a method that can apply to our metaphorical cats as well.
Ready? (You might want to be sitting down for this one.)
Stop trying to herd them all at once. Cats, like ideas, are not pack animals. They prefer to shine on their own. While they may get along just fine, they don’t naturally want to cluster together in a big group. So don’t expect it of them.
The trick is to focus on one cat at a time. Put your energy into getting that one little critter in the box or corral or wherever. Then turn your attention to the next one.
And in your business, stop trying to focus on too many bright ideas, projects or goals all at one time. Put your energy into thoroughly completing just one for now. Then turn your attention to the next one.
Let me give you an example.
One of the things I do is write website copy for my clients. At the beginning of the project, I always ask about the purpose they have for their site. I usually hear a lengthy list of things they want to accomplish, like:
- Bring in new clients
- Sell products
- Generate leads
- Create a community
- Present themselves as an expert
- Offer interactive tools
- Develop passive income streams
All of these are worthy goals, and a well-written website can absolutely have a positive effect in achieving them. But lumped together, it tends to create confusion.
When you have too many objectives all vying for your attention, none of them get the consideration they deserve. Which means they aren’t fully developed. Which means they don’t get the results you want. Herding cats. . .
Better still is to pick one, give it everything you’ve got, then move on to the next.
And this same strategy can translate to any aspect of your growing business.
So go out there and gather your herd of money-making projects and goals. Just do it one bright idea at a time.
Helen Graves, Grand Poohbah of Crackerjack Marketing & Website Strategy, is expert at showing independent entrepreneurs how to get more clients with less stress
Besides writing captivating website copy that prompts visitors into action, she also shares how to create genuine connection with your marketing so you can turn potential clients into paying clients.
To find out more or to sign up for her complimentary mini audio seminar, “Simplify Your Marketing in 6 Easy Steps,” visit Helen at www.helengraves.com
Reprint rights granted as long as copyright and contact information is left intact.
© 2007 Helen Graves
Co-editor of Mommy’s Company, Brianna, had the privilege of reviewing a special clothing line consisting of solid color items called Cottonseed Clothing. Cottonseed Clothing was created by mom business owner Erin Gutierrez.
Why are solid colors so 
special? Think of how much time you waste searching for solid color tops or bottoms to go with your child’s separates! Cottonseed Clothing is a fantastic idea!
We took the long sleeved onesie (in Amethyst) and the cotton baby pants (in Chocolate) for a test drive. Bottom line? Our little tester was as happy as could be in her comfy outfits! We paired the onesie with her favorite capris (which only have one top to match!). Then we paired the cotton pants with a comfy onesie that had a chocolate colored giraffe on the front (another hard-to-match item!). We wanted to take photos but our day was just too cram-packed. We’ll try to post some the next time she wears her Cottonseed Clothing!
The bottom line on Cottonseed Clothing, you ask? The items are made from the softest cotton this mom has ever touched! I felt totally comfortable putting my little girl in these clothes. And, you should too!
Visit Cottonseed Clothing at www.cottonseedclothing.com!
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by Erin McKenna Novak Move over taupe, gray is the new neutral in town! Gone are the blah days of beige, replaced with versatile, chic takes on slate, charcoal, and smoke. Many might consider gray black’s dull second cousin but it’s not the case. Taking on the tinge of the colors around it, gray is a welcome addition to any Autumn or Winter wardrobe. Heck, gray is so versatile it often works in Spring and Summer too. One thing I like about gray is the wide variety of shades available. Whether you are looking at wall paint or women’s fashions, there is a host of grays that lean towards blue, celadon green, lavender, white…and the list goes on. I also can’t think of a color that works better at the office or relaxing at home. You can’t go wrong with a professional looking dark gray suit, and I can’t think of anything cozier than a warm heather gray sweater and a pair of jeans. A look that’s a little more my speed, pairs grays with metallics. I’m looking forward to the holiday season, where I can mix shades of gray with silver and platinum for a festive, monochromatic evening look. And wearing gray does not need to be limited to clothing. From smoldering gunmetals to shimmery silvers, Gray has done more than rule the runway this season. It’s also emerged as one of the year’s hottest makeup trends. The smoky-eye is a well-loved evening look, but this season gray eye shadow and liners have gone mainstream. Subtle dove grays are perfect for daytime, while dark and glossy charcoals provide a hip, gothic look at night. |
Some people might think that the same subtlety and all-purpose nature of neutrals is just what makes them boring with a capital B. But neutrals provide an unobtrusive background that allows the objects and beauty around it to stand out. I love to punctuate a gray wool skirt and gray tights with my favorite pair of red leather boots. The boots never fail to get noticed and I never fail to get compliments (which I love!).
The only place where I have a tiny issue with gray is my hair. I must admit my Mom rocks a head of gray hair with stunning expertise. She wears the gray, it does not wear her. She’s also been wearing it since I was about six years old so she’s had some time to practice and get it exactly right. Less gray, more silvery white, Mom’s hair never looks dull or dingy. I can’t say I know exactly how gray I am, nor do I really want to find out, but I did get a peek after Style Baby #2 was born and it wasn’t pretty. Gray may be in, but thankfully my dark hair and deep red highlights are too. As my Mom (and a few friends) have proven to me…gray is most certainly beautiful. It’s just not beautiful on me, yet…. And proving no color is an island, there are a few other hues fashion seems to be favoring this season. Where lavender proved a strong trend this past spring, plum has presented itself as Fall’s current punch of color. I also recently read a Gannett News article highlighting the return of the 80’s staple mauve. Mauve’s recent revival comes courtesy of designers and consumers who, much like they did with gray, are using the dusty rose as a neutral instead of an accent color. Besides pairing well with gray, these shades are also grayer themselves these days, providing them with an updated look. It’s not a black and white world out there, even if this Style Mama loves wearing that color combo whenever I can! So expand your personal color palette, be it at home or in the contents of your closet, and explore the seemingly endless shades of gray. About the Author: Erin McKenna Nowak, is an entrepreneur, wife and the mother of two stylish little girls. After receiving a Bachelor of Fine Arts in graphic design and printmaking, she worked in New York City, Chicago and Providence, RI. Having been everything from a children’s book designer to the art director of several magazines, in 2004 Erin struck out on her own and started Bride Design. Bride Design features Erin’s fashion-forward, custom wedding and event stationery and accessories. Each of her one-of-a-kind creations reflect her clients’ personal style and highlights the unique details of their event. Erin is also the pen and paper portion of Invitastions™—edible cookie invitations—the tastiest trend in event stationery! An author and illustrator, Erin loves just about everything pop culture has to offer. When she’s not busy designing or chasing after her kids, she can be found chasing after the latest styles in beauty, fashion, home interiors, music and more! |
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